¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Improvements should be done in our country

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ø
2021-01-07 328

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think Korea should improve the law. It¡¯s weak to criminal so there are a lot of crimes and criminal don¡¯t think that it¡¯s serious. It can cause unfair judgement. That¡¯s why I think we need improvement with the law.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Heidi! Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think Korea should improve the law.
>> I think Korea should improve its laws. 

It¡¯s weak to criminal so there are a lot of crimes and criminal don¡¯t think that it¡¯s serious. 
>> The justice system is weak because there are still a lot of criminals and crimes. 

It can cause unfair judgement. 
>> It can cause unfair judgements. 

That¡¯s why I think we need improvement with the law.
>>That¡¯s why I think we need improvement in terms of the law.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104466 What do you think is the best food that you have ever tasted?... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 0
104465 Some people believe that a greater difference in age between... ÀÌ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 758
104464 What kind of gestures should be removed in Korea? Á¶*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 1
104463 Is it better to be physically attractive or intelligent? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 329
104462 COMPOSITION º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 0
104461 What is your favorite winter activity? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 283
104460 (HW) In your country, how do you know if you can trust a person... Á¤*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 407
104459 homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 490
104458 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 2
104457 What improvements do you think should be done in your country? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 1
104456 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 1
104455 Can you talk about three things you like about yourself? °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 332
104454 my plan and a worry ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 288
104453 Homework-1/6 °­*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 1
104452 ielts taks 1 ÀÌ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-08 330
104451 Hello Teacher, This is not homework :( Á¶*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-07 4
104450 ¾ö*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-07 376
104449 Improvements should be done in our country ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-07 328
104448 Homework (198) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-07 354
104447 Why do you think people lie? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-07 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04