¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people rely too much on computers?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Á¶
2021-01-20 296

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that people rely too much on computers. Look at the living of people at the CoronaVirus Pandemic. They use most of time in computer. It shows how people rely on computers.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Kai!

Thanks for sending your homework. Here's the corrected one! Catch you in class!

Cheers,
Jean~~


I think that people rely too much on computers. 
>> correct
>> or: As I see it, people rely too much on computers. 

Look at the living of people at the CoronaVirus Pandemic.
>> Look at the way people are living their lives during this coronavirus pandemic.

 They use most of time in computer. 
>> They use or waste most of their time on computers. 

It shows how people rely on computers.
>> correct
>> or: This just shows how much people rely on computers.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105178 In your opinion, which season is the most beautiful? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 0
105177 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 324
105176 If you had a oppertunity to travel anywhere in the world? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 310
105175 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 368
105174 Use \" sorry to bother you \" in two different sentences. °û*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 378
105173 If I were a rich person.. Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 309
105172 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 320
105171 Which is more effective in learning, inside the classroom or... ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 385
105170 Homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 432
105169 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 306
105168 Homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 455
105167 Grammer homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 340
105166 Homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 373
105165 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 5
105164 When I Am Happy ±è*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 3
105163 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 368
105162 What is the most adorable animal? Why? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 1
105161 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 1
105160 My new project ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 352
105159 Question º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04