¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people rely too much on computers?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Á¶
2021-01-20 287

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that people rely too much on computers. Look at the living of people at the CoronaVirus Pandemic. They use most of time in computer. It shows how people rely on computers.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Kai!

Thanks for sending your homework. Here's the corrected one! Catch you in class!

Cheers,
Jean~~


I think that people rely too much on computers. 
>> correct
>> or: As I see it, people rely too much on computers. 

Look at the living of people at the CoronaVirus Pandemic.
>> Look at the way people are living their lives during this coronavirus pandemic.

 They use most of time in computer. 
>> They use or waste most of their time on computers. 

It shows how people rely on computers.
>> correct
>> or: This just shows how much people rely on computers.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104755 What unusual habits do you observe in your family members? Do... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 0
104754 What do you feel when it is spring or fall? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 344
104753 Farmer ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 331
104752 What is festival do you like? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 253
104751 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 314
104750 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 321
104749 What do you think of this saying, \"Possessions rot, rust, and... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 1
104748 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 305
104747 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 307
104746 Some people believe that the experiences children have before... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 381
104745 Lesson of my life Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 2
104744 It is sometimes suggested that primary schoolchildren should... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 352
104743 How fast do you think is the average time to give feedback to... Àå*¹è ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 370
104742 Worldwide foods Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 316
104741 Do you like going to the beach? ÇÑ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 1
104740 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 268
104739 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 1
104738 Office workers uninterested in promotion À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 1
104737 my hobby is to make furniture ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 333
104736 The disadvantages of having your own car Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 389

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04