¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The age which children leave from their parents

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ÁÖ
2021-01-27 443

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my country, children usually leave their parents after they graduate their college.
Many people who attend the college need the help of their parents about tuition of school and living cost.
So, after they graduate their college, they finally seek for job to live by themselves.
At the time, they leave their parents.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Sunny!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


In my country, children usually leave their parents after they graduate their college.

>> In my country, children usually leave their parents' home after they graduate from college.
Many people who attend the college need the help of their parents about tuition of school and living cost.

>> Many people who attend college need the help of their parents with tuition for school and living cost.
So, after they graduate their college, they finally seek for job to live by themselves.

>> So after they graduate from college, they finally seek for a job to live by themselves.

At the time, they leave their parents.

>> At that time, they leave their parents' home.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105583 I think Paris. ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 685
105582 Pokemon ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 433
105581 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 544
105580 If I could be a celebrity ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 557
105579 I\'m not such a rich person. ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 704
105578 Tell me about your best memory in school. Àå*¹è ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 654
105577 homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 485
105576 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 542
105575 Do you like reading the traditional literature of your country? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 1
105574 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 638
105573 Do you buy products because of advertising? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 1
105572 English Homework 27 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 534
105571 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 1
105570 Describe the perfect employee whom the employer will never fire Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 557
105569 What do you look forward to in the Seollal holidays? º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 3
105568 In your view, is there homophobia in our society? º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 2
105567 My new product ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 569
105566 If you could be a celebrity for a day, which celebrity would you... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 0
105565 If I could do one job just for one day, I would be a doctor. Á¶*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 3
105564 Do you think there are hobbies that are expensive? Why? (Give... Da*d OH ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04