¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think you are aging gracefully?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-01-28 391

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

According to development of mesical technology, people can live longer than before.
Thus, aging population has became a serious problem in South Korea. Including me, people should think about that hiw can we get old gracedully?
In my opinion, aging gracefully is being open mind to young
people.
I stronly believe that if I am open mind person, I can become more generous, careful and beautiful.
Now I am trying to be awakened and believe that It makes me age gracefully in the future.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Young Won!

I agree that aging gracefully is smiling, being kind, embracing age better than yesterday. Along with wisdom,  we are more at peace and try to be the light in dark situations.

We cannot deny the fact that your country is growing old literally with its people. We can only hope that this can find a good solution soon.

I would like to thank you for all your great efforts in crafting a composition always.

See you soon!

-T. Donna =)

According to development of mesical technology, people can live longer than before.
>> According to developments of medical technology, people can live longer than before.

Thus, aging population has became a serious problem in South Korea. Including me, people should think about that hiw can we get old gracedully?
In my opinion, aging gracefully is being open mind to young
people.
>> Thus, aging population has became a serious problem in South Korea. Including me, people should think about how we can get old gracefully.
In my opinion, aging gracefully is being open-mind to young
people.

I stronly believe that if I am open mind person, I can become more generous, careful and beautiful.
>> I strongly believe that if I am an open-mind person, I can become more generous, careful, and beautiful.

Now I am trying to be awakened and believe that It makes me age gracefully in the future.
>> Correct!
Or: ...that it makes...
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105367 what are some ways we can help homeless people? Á¶*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 2
105366 Homework (217) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 382
105365 Thank you, teacher:) Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 454
105364 retirement age ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 446
105363 What are five things you like about your classroom? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 401
105362 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 419
105361 What country would be fun to work in? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 427
105360 Homework0203 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 482
105359 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 435
105358 The busiest city in my area Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 276
105357 essay , question Á¤*±³ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 501
105356 Last class homework ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 410
105355 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 0
105354 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 402
105353 Wish vs. Hope ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 248
105352 Social distancing rules could be revised before Lunar New Year:... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 1
105351 first one is my essay, second is reading passage, third one is... Á¶*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 3
105350 How to help homeless people Á¶*½Å ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 383
105349 My favorite precious stone is pearl. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 297
105348 School official sentenced to 3 years in prison for leaking SAT... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04