¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think you are aging gracefully?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-01-28 391

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

According to development of mesical technology, people can live longer than before.
Thus, aging population has became a serious problem in South Korea. Including me, people should think about that hiw can we get old gracedully?
In my opinion, aging gracefully is being open mind to young
people.
I stronly believe that if I am open mind person, I can become more generous, careful and beautiful.
Now I am trying to be awakened and believe that It makes me age gracefully in the future.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Young Won!

I agree that aging gracefully is smiling, being kind, embracing age better than yesterday. Along with wisdom,  we are more at peace and try to be the light in dark situations.

We cannot deny the fact that your country is growing old literally with its people. We can only hope that this can find a good solution soon.

I would like to thank you for all your great efforts in crafting a composition always.

See you soon!

-T. Donna =)

According to development of mesical technology, people can live longer than before.
>> According to developments of medical technology, people can live longer than before.

Thus, aging population has became a serious problem in South Korea. Including me, people should think about that hiw can we get old gracedully?
In my opinion, aging gracefully is being open mind to young
people.
>> Thus, aging population has became a serious problem in South Korea. Including me, people should think about how we can get old gracefully.
In my opinion, aging gracefully is being open-mind to young
people.

I stronly believe that if I am open mind person, I can become more generous, careful and beautiful.
>> I strongly believe that if I am an open-mind person, I can become more generous, careful, and beautiful.

Now I am trying to be awakened and believe that It makes me age gracefully in the future.
>> Correct!
Or: ...that it makes...
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105306 What should I do if I¡¯m homeless ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 330
105305 What\'s your favorite season and why? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 341
105304 What subject do you want to be removed? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 0
105303 Homework (216) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 270
105302 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 3
105301 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 251
105300 How to study a foreign language ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 373
105299 If i could be a star or a celebrity for just one day. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 254
105298 What do I usually do when I go tothe beach ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105297 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 225
105296 What three adjectives best describe January, and why? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 359
105295 I don\'t think mermaids are real ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 318
105294 Hacking ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 4
105293 I wonder grammer À±*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105292 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 352
105291 30-day homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 236
105290 Letter to school draft - correction (3) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 0
105289 Letter to school draft - correction (2) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105288 Letter to school draft - correction (1) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 2
105287 Which hobbise are the most popular in your country? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 264

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04