¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you like your retirement would be like?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-02-03 401

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In this contemporary society, planing our retirement is the important issue, according to expended life span.
When I may retire is around 15 years later from now. I will be almost 60 years old.
In that time, I want to live a leisurely retirement life.
For example, I am going to take a walk two or three times per week for my health and go abroad at least once in a year with my husband if my body condition can cover the trip. Also, I won't stop learning such as foreign languages and doing my hobby, which are knitting and making flowers. Learning makes me feel alive. Furthermore, family should be with me.
I am dreaming a wonderful retirement with my family.
I am a kind of independent person, but I don't want to be alone when I am old.
Having a beautiful retirement is rearlly difficult.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Young Won!

Indeed retirement is one of the primary considerations when it comes to aging as it is very challenging physically and emotionally. However, it is one of the realities that we have to contend with as it will come whether we like it or not.

Thus, we have to embrace it with readiness.

Thanks once again for being able to craft a very good essay. Excellent job!

-T. Donna =)

In this contemporary society, planing our retirement is the important issue, according to expended life span.
>> Correct!
Or: planning (spelling)

When I may retire is around 15 years later from now. I will be almost 60 years old.
>> When I retire around 15 years later from now, I will be almost 60 years old.

In that time, I want to live a leisurely retirement life.
>> Correct!
Or: >> During that time...

For example, I am going to take a walk two or three times per week for my health and go abroad at least once in a year with my husband if my body condition can cover the trip. Also, I won't stop learning such as foreign languages and doing my hobby, which are knitting and making flowers. Learning makes me feel alive.
>> Correct! Very good sentences!

Furthermore, family should be with me.
>> Furthermore, my family should be with me.

I am dreaming a wonderful retirement with my family.
>> Correct!

I am a kind of independent person, but I don't want to be alone when I am old.
>> Correct!

Having a beautiful retirement is rearlly difficult.
>> Correct!
Or: really (spelling)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104865 Do you think people rely too much on computers? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 278
104864 Do you like spending time at home? Why or why not? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 323
104863 (HW) Are there any foods that bring back special memories for... Á¤*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 361
104862 Jean teacher! My first homework. ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 2
104861 I can live for one day without my mobile phone. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 254
104860 Homework (207) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 291
104859 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 307
104858 Traditional Korean Food ±è*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 296
104857 [1/19]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 1
104856 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 265
104855 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 239
104854 Please tell me about a serious issue that your school faced... ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 308
104853 Homework °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 275
104852 What do you want to do in a cold weather? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 311
104851 What are the things you enjoy doing at home? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 2601
104850 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 0
104849 English Homework 17 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 266
104848 Meeting new people ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 2
104847 Is it better to rent a home or buy a home? Give two reasons for... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 376
104846 What is the most difficult change you have ever had to make? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04