¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you like your retirement would be like?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-02-03 403

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In this contemporary society, planing our retirement is the important issue, according to expended life span.
When I may retire is around 15 years later from now. I will be almost 60 years old.
In that time, I want to live a leisurely retirement life.
For example, I am going to take a walk two or three times per week for my health and go abroad at least once in a year with my husband if my body condition can cover the trip. Also, I won't stop learning such as foreign languages and doing my hobby, which are knitting and making flowers. Learning makes me feel alive. Furthermore, family should be with me.
I am dreaming a wonderful retirement with my family.
I am a kind of independent person, but I don't want to be alone when I am old.
Having a beautiful retirement is rearlly difficult.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Young Won!

Indeed retirement is one of the primary considerations when it comes to aging as it is very challenging physically and emotionally. However, it is one of the realities that we have to contend with as it will come whether we like it or not.

Thus, we have to embrace it with readiness.

Thanks once again for being able to craft a very good essay. Excellent job!

-T. Donna =)

In this contemporary society, planing our retirement is the important issue, according to expended life span.
>> Correct!
Or: planning (spelling)

When I may retire is around 15 years later from now. I will be almost 60 years old.
>> When I retire around 15 years later from now, I will be almost 60 years old.

In that time, I want to live a leisurely retirement life.
>> Correct!
Or: >> During that time...

For example, I am going to take a walk two or three times per week for my health and go abroad at least once in a year with my husband if my body condition can cover the trip. Also, I won't stop learning such as foreign languages and doing my hobby, which are knitting and making flowers. Learning makes me feel alive.
>> Correct! Very good sentences!

Furthermore, family should be with me.
>> Furthermore, my family should be with me.

I am dreaming a wonderful retirement with my family.
>> Correct!

I am a kind of independent person, but I don't want to be alone when I am old.
>> Correct!

Having a beautiful retirement is rearlly difficult.
>> Correct!
Or: really (spelling)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104846 What is the most difficult change you have ever had to make? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 1
104845 Hair ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 4
104844 I think it is important to have shiny eyes. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 2
104843 Explain or state the importance of \'family\' in your life. ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 2
104842 Is it better to rent a home or buy a home? Give two reasons for... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 1
104841 What interesting places in your area would you recommend... À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 0
104840 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 3
104839 Do you think the teacher should assign seats to students? Why or... º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 2
104838 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 2
104837 How do you take care of your hair? ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 332
104836 What is your favorite game which is commonly played in Korea?... ¾ö*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 428
104835 Samsung heir sent back to jail À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 1
104834 What would life be like without music? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 1
104833 Is it better to rent a home or buy a home? Give two reasons for... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 1
104832 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 1
104831 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 311
104830 Can you remember what you did each year on your birthday? What... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 20
104829 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 370
104828 upload last homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 336
104827 In the past, knowledge was contained in books. Nowadays,... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 308

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04