¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What makes someone beautiful?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*½Å
2021-02-16 943

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Everyone wants to be beautiful. So they buy a new clothes, new cosmetics, and change their hairstyle. Then, what makes people beautiful? In my opinion, I think their personality make them beautiful. First, we think people who are kind is beautiful. Because they are good to people, they has a good first impression to people. First impression is really important because people's attitude depends on first impression. Second, we can buy better appearance by cosmetic surgery but we can't buy good personality. And I think things that we can't buy with money is valuable than things that we can buy with money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Hannah~
You have made very good sentences.
Keep it up!

- T. Rina


1. Everyone wants to be beautiful. 
>> CORRECT!

2. So they buy a new clothes, new cosmetics, and change their hairstyle. 
>> So, they buy new clothes, new cosmetics and change their hairstyles.

3. Then, what makes people beautiful? 
>> CORRECT!

4. In my opinion, I think their personality make them beautiful.
>> In my opinion, I think their personalities make them beautiful.

5. First, we think people who are kind is beautiful. 
>> First, we think people who are kind are beautiful. 

6. Because they are good to people, they has a good first impression to people. 
>> Because they are good to people, they have a good first impression to people. 

7. First impression is really important because people's attitude depends on first impression. 
>> CORRECT!

8. Second, we can buy better appearance by cosmetic surgery but we can't buy good personality. 
>> CORRECT!

9. And I think things that we can't buy with money is valuable than things that we can buy with money.
 >> And I think things that we can't buy with money are more valuable than the things that we can buy with money.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106084 Homework0301 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 10868
106083 For my children. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 3126
106082 [02/24]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 1
106081 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 2
106080 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 3197
106079 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 3257
106078 Online classes vs. In-person lessons ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 3
106077 Share your most memorable dream you\'ve had. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 3
106076 What are some of the best jobs you can think of? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 1
106075 Is there anything you don\'t like about weekends and you wish... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 3133
106074 Inventions that will make people¡¯s lives much easier ¼³*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-01 3651
106073 My best trip in middle school ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-28 3690
106072 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-28 4
106071 Trusting a person Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-28 3526
106070 Email ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-28 3
106069 Weenkends ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-28 1
106068 My presentation2 ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-28 5
106067 My presentation1 ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-28 9
106066 Share your most memorable dream you\'ve had. ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-27 3825
106065 HOMEWORK FOR 02.26 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-27 3326

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04