¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What makes someone beautiful?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*½Å
2021-02-16 927

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Everyone wants to be beautiful. So they buy a new clothes, new cosmetics, and change their hairstyle. Then, what makes people beautiful? In my opinion, I think their personality make them beautiful. First, we think people who are kind is beautiful. Because they are good to people, they has a good first impression to people. First impression is really important because people's attitude depends on first impression. Second, we can buy better appearance by cosmetic surgery but we can't buy good personality. And I think things that we can't buy with money is valuable than things that we can buy with money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Hannah~
You have made very good sentences.
Keep it up!

- T. Rina


1. Everyone wants to be beautiful. 
>> CORRECT!

2. So they buy a new clothes, new cosmetics, and change their hairstyle. 
>> So, they buy new clothes, new cosmetics and change their hairstyles.

3. Then, what makes people beautiful? 
>> CORRECT!

4. In my opinion, I think their personality make them beautiful.
>> In my opinion, I think their personalities make them beautiful.

5. First, we think people who are kind is beautiful. 
>> First, we think people who are kind are beautiful. 

6. Because they are good to people, they has a good first impression to people. 
>> Because they are good to people, they have a good first impression to people. 

7. First impression is really important because people's attitude depends on first impression. 
>> CORRECT!

8. Second, we can buy better appearance by cosmetic surgery but we can't buy good personality. 
>> CORRECT!

9. And I think things that we can't buy with money is valuable than things that we can buy with money.
 >> And I think things that we can't buy with money are more valuable than the things that we can buy with money.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105623 I... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 2
105622 writing check up_Please feel free to correct sentences ¾È*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 2
105621 writing check up ¾È*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 1
105620 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 766
105619 Do you agree that tattoo is modern art? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 613
105618 What are the benefits of collecting? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 644
105617 Homework0214 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 577
105616 My mom¡¯s best food. ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 513
105615 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 1
105614 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 1
105613 Enough money ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 3
105612 Being addicted to sports Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 497
105611 Comparing the works Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 525
105610 Is it important to be punctual on your first date? º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 596
105609 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 5
105608 What is one famouse art work that you are familiar with and how... Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 613
105607 HOMEWORK FOR 02.10 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 542
105606 Hi Elise! ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 482
105605 What do you plan on doing this Valentine\'s Day? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-12 554
105604 Do you buy products because of advertising? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-12 594

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04