¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The biggest problem that I have overcome.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-02-16 1242

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

21 year ago. I joined the military. All of healthy Korean men have to do military service.
After basic military training, I was placed special force. I never want to be placed, but I had no choice.
A life at special force was extreme hard. I had to take special training as like Helicopter rappel(to jump into air from helicopter 10m ~15m high with a rope), special martial arts( kind of Taekwondo). While I was taking the training, I thought that getting hurt as much can't walk better than taking the training. So When I ran on a mountain in summer, I thought that hundred times. But I couldn't. After putting down all of my mind, I was easy. Those days, I had slept with dreams that it was drinking beer, having a meal my mom served every days.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



The biggest problem that I have overcome.


21 year ago. I joined the military. All of healthy Korean men have to do military service.
>>> 21 years ago I joined the military. All healthy Korean men have to do military service in Korea.

After basic military training, I was placed special force. 
>>> After basic military training, I was placed in the special force. 

I never want to be placed, but I had no choice.
>>> I never want to be assigned to the special force, but I had no choice.

A life at special force was extreme hard. 
>>> Life at the special force was extremely hard. 

I had to take special training as like Helicopter rappel(to jump into air from helicopter 10m ~15m high with a rope), special martial arts( kind of Taekwondo). 
>>> I had to take special training like Helicopter rappel (to jump into the air from a helicopter which is 10m ~15m high with a rope), especially martial arts which is similar to Taekwondo. 

While I was taking the training, I thought that getting hurt as much can't walk better than taking the training. 
>>> While I was taking the training, I thought that getting hurt to the point that I can't walk will be better than taking the rest of the training. 

So When I ran on a mountain in summer, I thought that hundred times. 
>>> So when I ran on a mountain in summer, I have thought that for hundred times but I couldn't.

But I couldn't. After putting down all of my mind, I was easy. 
>>> After focusing all of my minds, it became easy. 

Those days, I had slept with dreams that it was drinking beer, having a meal my mom served every days.
>>> Those days, I had slept with dreams that I was drinking beer or I was having a meal that my mom used to serve every day.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105964 How would you like to celebrate your birthday this year? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1469
105963 The 2nd quarantine life_2 Da*d OH ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 3
105962 The 2nd quarantine life_1 Da*d OH ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 4
105961 homework_21.02.23 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105960 Time Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1297
105959 My pet dogs. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 2
105958 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1439
105957 What food makes you feel at home and why is it special? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105956 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1488
105955 Penalty ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1486
105954 About Yesan ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1678
105953 HOMEWORK FOR 02.24 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1524
105952 About the pain of sickness Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1340
105951 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1236
105950 homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1557
105949 I ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 2
105948 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105947 What part of your childhood would you remember the most? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105946 My most memorable family gathering or holiday experience ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105945 What are the situations that make you angry? Give me 2... Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1146

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04