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서비스 입니다.

Abandoned a job field that I was in over 10 years

작성자: 윤*민
2021-02-18 984

회원님의 영작문

I had been working in an education field since I was dismissed from military service.
It was exactly 14 years. Come to think of it who time, I wasn't that unsatisfied doing it but didn't like it that much as well. I just simply can say that I wanted a job that comes with a proper result.
Like, I get more when I am good, and opposite as well.
My job field was filled with full of inequalities and even I was one of the parts of the inequalities because I didn't get a proper education. All the managers graduated from universities in the USA or Canada, or at least English mother tongue Uni but not me. not even close.
Thus, I have been always thinking that having my own business is my destiny.
I tried to open other businesses but it's ruined because of Covid... I was super frustrated last year but at least a person estimated me well and asked me to do a job together, which is he has been doing for over 20years. So I am writing this essay in the new office. I hope we can make good profit

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Kwang-min,
Thank you for today's letter!
I appreciate your being honest and please continue to express your ideas confidently!
Thank You.
Teacher Elly.
Abandoned a job field that I was in over 10 years
>>I abandoned a job field that I was in for over 10 years.
I had been working in an education field since I was dismissed from military service.
>>I had been working in the education field since I completed my military service.
It was exactly 14 years. 
CORRECT!
or>>It was 14 years, to be exact.
Come to think of it who time, I wasn't that unsatisfied doing it but didn't like it that much as well. 
>>Come to think of it, I wasn't that unsatisfied when doing it, but I didn't like it that much either. 
I just simply can say that I wanted a job that comes with a proper result.
>>I just simply can say that I wanted a job that can compensate me equally with the hard work I put in it.
Like, I get more when I am good, and opposite as well.
>>Like, I get rewarded more when I am performing well, and vice versa.
My job field was filled with full of inequalities and even I was one of the parts of the inequalities because I didn't get a proper education. 
>>My workplace was full of inequalities and I was even I was one of who were treated unjustly because I didn't have a proper education. 
All the managers graduated from universities in the USA or Canada, or at least English mother tongue Uni but not me. not even close.
>>All the managers graduated from universities in the USA or Canada, or at least English was their mother tongue, but not me. I was not even close.
Thus, I have been always thinking that having my own business is my destiny.
CORRECT!
or>>Thus, I have always thought that owning a business is my destiny.
I tried to open other businesses but it's ruined because of Covid... 
>>I tried to open other businesses but it's ruined because of the Covid-19. 
I was super frustrated last year but at least a person estimated me well and asked me to do a job together, which is he has been doing for over 20years. 
>>I was super frustrated last year, but at least one person considered my worth and asked me to do a job with him, which he has been doing for over 20 years. 
So I am writing this essay in the new office. I hope we can make good profit
>>So I am writing this essay in the new office. I hope we can make a good profit.
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