¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Breaking a bad vice

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-02-18 1035

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

These days, playing video game is normal. But, when I was middle school student, playing games at amusement arcade was banned. I didn't know why. Maybe those days many people had though, video games give bad effects to students. I used to love playing games.
After school, I usually went to an amusement arcade. I couldn't stop to play games. But, I had known that, I must stop to go to an amusement arcade. One day, I decided not to meet friends who went to an amusement arcade with me. I made a declaration.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)


These days, playing video game is normal. 
>>> These days, playing video games is normal. 

But, when I was middle school student, playing games at amusement arcade was banned. 
>>> But, when I was a middle school student, playing games at an amusement arcade was banned.

I didn't know why. Maybe those days many people had though, video games give bad effects to students. 
>>> I didn't know why. Maybe those days many people had thought that playing video games give bad effects on students. 

I used to love playing games.
>>> CORRECT 

After school, I usually went to an amusement arcade. I couldn't stop to play games. 
>>> After school, I usually went to an amusement arcade. I couldn't stop playing games. 

But, I had known that, I must stop to go to an amusement arcade. 
>>> But, I knew that I must stop going to an amusement arcade. 

One day, I decided not to meet friends who went to an amusement arcade with me. I made a declaration.
>>> One day, I decided not to meet my friends who used to go with me to an amusement arcade. I made a declaration./ I made a decision. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105541 Do you prefer to have many friends or just a few that you are... ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 490
105540 Advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 604
105539 Would you be willing to pay higher taxes for a healthier... À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 0
105538 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 468
105537 What might happen if you won¡¯t use any phones in a day, week,... ÇÑ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 2
105536 Korea¡¯s exotic food ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 933
105535 Homework0209 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 540
105534 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 561
105533 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 619
105532 Can you tell me about the hardest thing you ever had to do? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 1
105531 What offers can you refuse? Why? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 1
105530 friend Çã* ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 468
105529 The airport rules ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 1
105528 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 8
105527 My dream house ±¸*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 1
105526 4.33 million people de facto jobless in Korea À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 0
105525 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 452
105524 Do you think children learn bad habits at school or at home? How? Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 472
105523 Exchange programs help students, teachers upgrade global... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 0
105522 homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-09 743

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04