¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-03-02 3689

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Some people say space exploration is much too expensive and they want to spend money on more important things. Space is unknown world although people have studied for a long time. We don't know how many possibilities are in space but we discovered that there is hope for human.
The earth has been run out its resources for a long time. Besides, human have destroyed earth steadily such as deforestation, ozone despoil, global warming, pollution, and diseases and so on. If these phenomena are going on, human will be in danger to exist.
In that sense, scientists have been interested in space and studied for a long period which is to find a new planet where human can live. Space is totally different kind of dimension. We can't sure anything what human needs to survive especially watery past and air for breathing. It is the reason that space exploration is dangerous and costs much money. However, I strongly believe this is indispensible work not only for curiosity but also for human being.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Young Won!

Wow! This is a well done IELTS answer to start with. I am glad that you were able to comply with this written task so you can get the hang of it.

I think that you did an excellent job!

See you tomorrow.

-T. Donna =)

Some people say space exploration is much too expensive and they want to spend money on more important things. 
>> Correct!

Space is unknown world although people have studied for a long time. 
>> Space is an unknown world although people have studied it for a long time. 

We don't know how many possibilities are in space but we discovered that there is hope for human.
>> Correct!

The earth has been run out its resources for a long time. Besides, human have destroyed earth steadily such as deforestation, ozone despoil, global warming, pollution, and diseases and so on. If these phenomena are going on, human will be in danger to exist.
>> The earth has been run out of its resources for a long time. Besides, humans have destroyed earth steadily such as deforestation, ozone despoil, global warming, pollution, diseases and so on. If these phenomena go on, humans will be in danger of existence.

In that sense, scientists have been interested in space and studied for a long period which is to find a new planet where human can live. 
>> Correct!
Or: In that sense, scientists have been interested in space and studied it for a long period which is to find a new planet where human beings can live. 

Space is totally different kind of dimension. We can't sure anything what human needs to survive especially watery past and air for breathing. 
>> Space is a totally different kind of dimension. We can't be sure of anything on what humans need to survive especially on a watery past and air for breathing. 

It is the reason that space exploration is dangerous and costs much money. However, I strongly believe this is indispensible work not only for curiosity but also for human being.
>> Correct!
Or: It is for these reasons that space exploration is dangerous and costs much money. However, I strongly believe this is indispensable work not only for curiosity but also for human beings.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106982 How can the public transportation in your city be improved? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1
106981 In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work.... Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 3143
106980 Lilac ( IU) ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 6
106979 What do you like to do on the weekend? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1763
106978 My favorite holiday ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1
106977 White supremacy and hate are haunting Asian Americans À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1
106976 By the end of the century, summer weather could last half a year... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1
106975 What would you like to do if you don\'t have any schedule? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 2721
106974 Study without music(between angel and devil) ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-27 5
106973 Can you talk about three cities you would like to visit? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-27 4
106972 Homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-03-27 5
106971 Homework (250) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2890
106970 How important is dancing in your culture? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2216
106969 homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1
106968 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 3777
106967 From my work Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2
106966 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 0
106965 Yes! I want to be a bird~ ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2231
106964 Homework {03/26} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2310
106963 Why do people renovate their houses? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04