¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-03-02 3690

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Some people say space exploration is much too expensive and they want to spend money on more important things. Space is unknown world although people have studied for a long time. We don't know how many possibilities are in space but we discovered that there is hope for human.
The earth has been run out its resources for a long time. Besides, human have destroyed earth steadily such as deforestation, ozone despoil, global warming, pollution, and diseases and so on. If these phenomena are going on, human will be in danger to exist.
In that sense, scientists have been interested in space and studied for a long period which is to find a new planet where human can live. Space is totally different kind of dimension. We can't sure anything what human needs to survive especially watery past and air for breathing. It is the reason that space exploration is dangerous and costs much money. However, I strongly believe this is indispensible work not only for curiosity but also for human being.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Young Won!

Wow! This is a well done IELTS answer to start with. I am glad that you were able to comply with this written task so you can get the hang of it.

I think that you did an excellent job!

See you tomorrow.

-T. Donna =)

Some people say space exploration is much too expensive and they want to spend money on more important things. 
>> Correct!

Space is unknown world although people have studied for a long time. 
>> Space is an unknown world although people have studied it for a long time. 

We don't know how many possibilities are in space but we discovered that there is hope for human.
>> Correct!

The earth has been run out its resources for a long time. Besides, human have destroyed earth steadily such as deforestation, ozone despoil, global warming, pollution, and diseases and so on. If these phenomena are going on, human will be in danger to exist.
>> The earth has been run out of its resources for a long time. Besides, humans have destroyed earth steadily such as deforestation, ozone despoil, global warming, pollution, diseases and so on. If these phenomena go on, humans will be in danger of existence.

In that sense, scientists have been interested in space and studied for a long period which is to find a new planet where human can live. 
>> Correct!
Or: In that sense, scientists have been interested in space and studied it for a long period which is to find a new planet where human beings can live. 

Space is totally different kind of dimension. We can't sure anything what human needs to survive especially watery past and air for breathing. 
>> Space is a totally different kind of dimension. We can't be sure of anything on what humans need to survive especially on a watery past and air for breathing. 

It is the reason that space exploration is dangerous and costs much money. However, I strongly believe this is indispensible work not only for curiosity but also for human being.
>> Correct!
Or: It is for these reasons that space exploration is dangerous and costs much money. However, I strongly believe this is indispensable work not only for curiosity but also for human beings.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106963 Why do people renovate their houses? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1
106962 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2613
106961 What is your favorite movie? Why? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2902
106960 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 3158
106959 What body language offends you? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2475
106958 When a person spends most of his or her time working a job with... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2941
106957 What is your favorite song and why? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2569
106956 Homework ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2
106955 What are indirect questions? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2355
106954 What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? ½Å*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1813
106953 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2233
106952 cover letter ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 4
106951 cover letter ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1
106950 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2
106949 How often do you wash your hands with soap? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1922
106948 Do you prefer baths or showers? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1915
106947 alternatives of zoos Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1682
106946 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1
106945 homework ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2308
106944 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04