¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think bullying should be made a crime or is it part of growing up?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Á¤
2021-03-09 5045

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

This issue is very sensitive in korea. In the past, Bullying of students had existed but sociaty didn't care of it. So many students think it's just part of growing up. But nowadays, There are a lot of issue about Bullying, such as sports, famous celebrites.
The first start happened in sports. The twins volleyball stars bullied their classmate when they were students. They are punished by volleyball institute. After that, The fact that The famous celebrites did the same thing which twins did revealed by their classmate. They retired all of sudden. I think Bullying should be made a crime and the sociaty is doing now.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Tobby! I feel the same way. Victims of bullying get hurt no only physically but mentally as well. They should put a stop to this. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


This issue is very sensitive in korea. 
>>This issue is very sensitive in Korea. 

In the past, Bullying of students had existed but sociaty didn't care of it. 
>> In the past, bullying was prominent and the society didn't really cared about it. 

So many students think it's just part of growing up. 
>> CORRECT

But nowadays, There are a lot of issue about Bullying, such as sports, famous celebrites.
>> But nowadays, there are a lot of issue about bullying in sports and famous celebrities.

The first start happened in sports. 
>> This happened first in sports. 

The twins volleyball stars bullied their classmate when they were students.
>> The twin volleyball stars bullied one of their classmates. 

They are punished by volleyball institute. 
>> They were punished by the volleyball institute. 

After that, The fact that The famous celebrites did the same thing which twins did revealed by their classmate. 
>> After that, other famous celebrities also bullied their classmate. 

They retired all of sudden. 
>> They were kicked out all of a sudden. 

I think Bullying should be made a crime and the sociaty is doing now. 
>> I think bullying should be made a crime. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106592 The reason why childhood memory is important À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106591 homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 12
106590 What foods do you think you\'d find impossible to give up? ½Å*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 3411
106589 What are the pros and cons of working out? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4788
106588 HW °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 0
106587 COVID-19 won\'t be the last pandemic of our lifetime À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106586 How to protect yourself from fine dust, spring\'s unwelcome guest À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106585 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 5358
106584 What is the importance of having time with your family? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 2
106583 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106582 zz º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106581 Homework 3.16 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4000
106580 In most of the countries, people prefer to live in a rented... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4945
106579 Which is your favorite sense? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 3996
106578 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106577 Homework should be limited Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4838
106576 family time ¼³*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4425
106575 COMPOSITION º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106574 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106573 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04