¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think bullying should be made a crime or is it part of growing up?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Á¤
2021-03-09 5037

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

This issue is very sensitive in korea. In the past, Bullying of students had existed but sociaty didn't care of it. So many students think it's just part of growing up. But nowadays, There are a lot of issue about Bullying, such as sports, famous celebrites.
The first start happened in sports. The twins volleyball stars bullied their classmate when they were students. They are punished by volleyball institute. After that, The fact that The famous celebrites did the same thing which twins did revealed by their classmate. They retired all of sudden. I think Bullying should be made a crime and the sociaty is doing now.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Tobby! I feel the same way. Victims of bullying get hurt no only physically but mentally as well. They should put a stop to this. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


This issue is very sensitive in korea. 
>>This issue is very sensitive in Korea. 

In the past, Bullying of students had existed but sociaty didn't care of it. 
>> In the past, bullying was prominent and the society didn't really cared about it. 

So many students think it's just part of growing up. 
>> CORRECT

But nowadays, There are a lot of issue about Bullying, such as sports, famous celebrites.
>> But nowadays, there are a lot of issue about bullying in sports and famous celebrities.

The first start happened in sports. 
>> This happened first in sports. 

The twins volleyball stars bullied their classmate when they were students.
>> The twin volleyball stars bullied one of their classmates. 

They are punished by volleyball institute. 
>> They were punished by the volleyball institute. 

After that, The fact that The famous celebrites did the same thing which twins did revealed by their classmate. 
>> After that, other famous celebrities also bullied their classmate. 

They retired all of sudden. 
>> They were kicked out all of a sudden. 

I think Bullying should be made a crime and the sociaty is doing now. 
>> I think bullying should be made a crime. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106550 My favorite superherol ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4338
106549 homework ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 3
106548 What has been the best amusement park you have ever visited? Why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 1
106547 Homework {03/15} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4786
106546 Do you want to live with best friend? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 5417
106545 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4700
106544 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4187
106543 My brithday celebration. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 2
106542 The ratio of poverty is increasing worldwide. What are the... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4202
106541 Why do so many people like sports? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 5225
106540 What is or was the happiest time of your life? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 1
106539 Do you think people are too dependent on our smartphones? Why or... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 0
106538 If something is annoying you, what do you usually do? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 1
106537 Homework ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 2
106536 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 1
106535 Travel ¼³*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4408
106534 homework_21.03.11 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 3
106533 What do you borrow from your friends? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 5178
106532 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 0
106531 Even if you\'re not interested in festivals, can you think of a... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 5672

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04