¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think bullying should be made a crime or is it part of growing up?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Á¤
2021-03-09 5112

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

This issue is very sensitive in korea. In the past, Bullying of students had existed but sociaty didn't care of it. So many students think it's just part of growing up. But nowadays, There are a lot of issue about Bullying, such as sports, famous celebrites.
The first start happened in sports. The twins volleyball stars bullied their classmate when they were students. They are punished by volleyball institute. After that, The fact that The famous celebrites did the same thing which twins did revealed by their classmate. They retired all of sudden. I think Bullying should be made a crime and the sociaty is doing now.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Tobby! I feel the same way. Victims of bullying get hurt no only physically but mentally as well. They should put a stop to this. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


This issue is very sensitive in korea. 
>>This issue is very sensitive in Korea. 

In the past, Bullying of students had existed but sociaty didn't care of it. 
>> In the past, bullying was prominent and the society didn't really cared about it. 

So many students think it's just part of growing up. 
>> CORRECT

But nowadays, There are a lot of issue about Bullying, such as sports, famous celebrites.
>> But nowadays, there are a lot of issue about bullying in sports and famous celebrities.

The first start happened in sports. 
>> This happened first in sports. 

The twins volleyball stars bullied their classmate when they were students.
>> The twin volleyball stars bullied one of their classmates. 

They are punished by volleyball institute. 
>> They were punished by the volleyball institute. 

After that, The fact that The famous celebrites did the same thing which twins did revealed by their classmate. 
>> After that, other famous celebrities also bullied their classmate. 

They retired all of sudden. 
>> They were kicked out all of a sudden. 

I think Bullying should be made a crime and the sociaty is doing now. 
>> I think bullying should be made a crime. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105841 Homework ½É*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-02-20 7
105840 Why celebrity beauty brands are good business À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-20 1
105839 Pro bono lawyers sue on behalf of animals in peril À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-20 1
105838 Describe the best party that you have been to. Why was it the... Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-20 1120
105837 HOMEWORK FOR 02.19 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1111
105836 What do you like about the Korean Educational system? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 0
105835 To Gina ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1474
105834 Homework (226) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1068
105833 [2/16]/Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 0
105832 The thing I like the most in my hometown ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 975
105831 How do you want to be comforted when you are not in your best... Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 939
105830 What¡¯s the most interesting thing you can do in your house if... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 964
105829 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1068
105828 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 0
105827 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 0
105826 The best gift to our parents is letter. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1074
105825 How many languages can you speak? How will you use English in... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1049
105824 Why do you think that there are a lot of people who like to go... °û*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1052
105823 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1060
105822 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1166

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04