¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think bullying should be made a crime or is it part of growing up?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Á¤
2021-03-09 5119

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

This issue is very sensitive in korea. In the past, Bullying of students had existed but sociaty didn't care of it. So many students think it's just part of growing up. But nowadays, There are a lot of issue about Bullying, such as sports, famous celebrites.
The first start happened in sports. The twins volleyball stars bullied their classmate when they were students. They are punished by volleyball institute. After that, The fact that The famous celebrites did the same thing which twins did revealed by their classmate. They retired all of sudden. I think Bullying should be made a crime and the sociaty is doing now.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Tobby! I feel the same way. Victims of bullying get hurt no only physically but mentally as well. They should put a stop to this. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


This issue is very sensitive in korea. 
>>This issue is very sensitive in Korea. 

In the past, Bullying of students had existed but sociaty didn't care of it. 
>> In the past, bullying was prominent and the society didn't really cared about it. 

So many students think it's just part of growing up. 
>> CORRECT

But nowadays, There are a lot of issue about Bullying, such as sports, famous celebrites.
>> But nowadays, there are a lot of issue about bullying in sports and famous celebrities.

The first start happened in sports. 
>> This happened first in sports. 

The twins volleyball stars bullied their classmate when they were students.
>> The twin volleyball stars bullied one of their classmates. 

They are punished by volleyball institute. 
>> They were punished by the volleyball institute. 

After that, The fact that The famous celebrites did the same thing which twins did revealed by their classmate. 
>> After that, other famous celebrities also bullied their classmate. 

They retired all of sudden. 
>> They were kicked out all of a sudden. 

I think Bullying should be made a crime and the sociaty is doing now. 
>> I think bullying should be made a crime. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105821 What kind of exercise would you like to try doing? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1117
105820 Friday ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 986
105819 What is something that is not yet existing but you want to be... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1
105818 The most important thing in a relationship À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1
105817 Privacy Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1
105816 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 0
105815 Where would I recommend others to see in Korea ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1
105814 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1
105813 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1
105812 homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1032
105811 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 2
105810 If your life was in danger, who would you call and why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1
105809 What basketball teams do you follow? What is interesting about... Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 943
105808 02.19 Fri. About living. È«*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 7
105807 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1
105806 What do you say first when you answer a call? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1134
105805 Baseball instead of Basketball °û*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1206
105804 homework0219 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 942
105803 ENGLISH HOMEWORK 29 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1189
105802 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1037

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04