¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think violence is needed to discipline a child?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ø
2021-03-25 2391

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

No, I don¡¯t. I think violence is not allow in anyway. Parents should teach their child so sometimes they need to discipline them. But I think violence is bad for child. It might cause some problem when they growing up. They can also become violent people in the future. So, I think violence is bot needed to discipline a child.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Heidi! I think the Asian culture is used to using violence when it comes to disciplining their children but this has to end already. Violence is never the key.  We should be very patient with children because they are bound to make mistakes as they are growing up. That's why I think good communication relationship is very important :) I agree with your answer. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


No, I don¡¯t. I think violence is not allow in anyway. 
>>No, I don¡¯t think so. I think violence should not be allowed in anyway. 

Parents should teach their child so sometimes they need to discipline them. 
>>Parents should teach their children so sometimes they need to discipline them but violence is not the answer. 

But I think violence is bad for child. 
>>CONNECT WITH THE SENTENCE ABOVE. 

It might cause some problem when they growing up. 
>>It might cause some problems when they grow up. 

They can also become violent people in the future.
>> CORRECT

 So, I think violence is bot needed to discipline a child.
>>  So, I think violence is not needed to discipline a child.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107449 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 548
107448 My country Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 634
107447 What was the most exciting thing that happened to you this... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 0
107446 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 2
107445 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 1
107444 home work(4.12) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 1049
107443 Are there any foods or flavors which you didn\'t use to like... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 601
107442 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 0
107441 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 936
107440 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 1
107439 Hi teacher~ ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 521
107438 Hi teacher~ ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 761
107437 Hi teacher~ ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 418
107436 Homework (260) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 613
107435 I... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 1
107434 interview Q ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 0
107433 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 522
107432 Moon takes election rout as reprimand from the public, Cheon Wa... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 1
107431 [04/09]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 1
107430 Radio ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04