¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think violence is needed to discipline a child?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ø
2021-03-25 2387

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

No, I don¡¯t. I think violence is not allow in anyway. Parents should teach their child so sometimes they need to discipline them. But I think violence is bad for child. It might cause some problem when they growing up. They can also become violent people in the future. So, I think violence is bot needed to discipline a child.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Heidi! I think the Asian culture is used to using violence when it comes to disciplining their children but this has to end already. Violence is never the key.  We should be very patient with children because they are bound to make mistakes as they are growing up. That's why I think good communication relationship is very important :) I agree with your answer. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


No, I don¡¯t. I think violence is not allow in anyway. 
>>No, I don¡¯t think so. I think violence should not be allowed in anyway. 

Parents should teach their child so sometimes they need to discipline them. 
>>Parents should teach their children so sometimes they need to discipline them but violence is not the answer. 

But I think violence is bad for child. 
>>CONNECT WITH THE SENTENCE ABOVE. 

It might cause some problem when they growing up. 
>>It might cause some problems when they grow up. 

They can also become violent people in the future.
>> CORRECT

 So, I think violence is bot needed to discipline a child.
>>  So, I think violence is not needed to discipline a child.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107398 hello. ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 1
107397 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 1
107396 A.... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 2
107395 meaning of this sentence ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 1
107394 Do you like chocolate? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 805
107393 homework_21.04.08 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 2
107392 What are your daily routines? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 546
107391 interview3 ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 1
107390 interview 2 ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 2
107389 interview 1 ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 2
107388 Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 1039
107387 What is the typical price for a set meal in your local area? How... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 458
107386 Fill in the blanks. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 2
107385 Serious relationship or money. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 539
107384 I prefer spending time alone. ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 663
107383 I prefer the combination of them in workplaces. ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 712
107382 My worst and best trips ever. ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 584
107381 Which do you think is a better form of communication? Texting or... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 472
107380 Are the words arrogance and confidence the same? Tell me your... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 970
107379 Speaking of scents or smell; What are you going to do if the... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-11 730

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04