¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think violence is needed to discipline a child?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ø
2021-03-25 2362

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

No, I don¡¯t. I think violence is not allow in anyway. Parents should teach their child so sometimes they need to discipline them. But I think violence is bad for child. It might cause some problem when they growing up. They can also become violent people in the future. So, I think violence is bot needed to discipline a child.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Heidi! I think the Asian culture is used to using violence when it comes to disciplining their children but this has to end already. Violence is never the key.  We should be very patient with children because they are bound to make mistakes as they are growing up. That's why I think good communication relationship is very important :) I agree with your answer. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


No, I don¡¯t. I think violence is not allow in anyway. 
>>No, I don¡¯t think so. I think violence should not be allowed in anyway. 

Parents should teach their child so sometimes they need to discipline them. 
>>Parents should teach their children so sometimes they need to discipline them but violence is not the answer. 

But I think violence is bad for child. 
>>CONNECT WITH THE SENTENCE ABOVE. 

It might cause some problem when they growing up. 
>>It might cause some problems when they grow up. 

They can also become violent people in the future.
>> CORRECT

 So, I think violence is bot needed to discipline a child.
>>  So, I think violence is not needed to discipline a child.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106794 Make or compose three3 sentences using the verb LEARN\' ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 2945
106793 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 1
106792 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 3197
106791 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 2733
106790 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 3196
106789 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 2451
106788 My favorite food. ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 4
106787 Good day to you! ¿ì*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 4
106786 If I can, I want to do Climbing once. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 2693
106785 Some people say that because we can now watch films on our... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 4019
106784 I... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 2
106783 HI.... Á¶*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 3482
106782 What would you do if you have an hour of free time? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 3482
106781 Homework😀 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 4399
106780 Homework😀 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 4096
106779 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 2
106778 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 1
106777 I... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 0
106776 homework ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 1
106775 The advantage and disadvantage of living in the city Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-03-22 2860

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04