¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. Wh

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-03-25 2339

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Some people believe that children can accomplish anything if they endeavor hard, Giving children this message makes advantages and disadvantages while they are growing up. It can help children achieve their goal or give them a big stress which resulted in a defensive attitude. People encourage their children to set a high goal and say that they can do anything if they do their best. This is effective way for raising children because positive attitude is first step to do something. For example, when I was young, I was not good at running. Whenever I avoid to run at school, my mother always cheer me up with telling that I can run fast if I endeavor. Thus, when I graduated elementary school, I became a runner represented for my class. From that experience, I could have an ambitious attitude, and this is really helpful for doing my work. Otherwise, some children can feel a big pressure from parents' saying which is they can achieve anything if they do their best. Depending on children's

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening Young Won!

This is a very appropriate topic for you. You wrote it very well and gave specific examples. Great job!

See you in a short while.

-T. Donna =)

Some people believe that children can accomplish anything if they endeavor hard, 
>> Correct!
Or: End with a period.

Giving children this message makes advantages and disadvantages while they are growing up. 
>> Correct!

It can help children achieve their goal or give them a big stress which resulted in a defensive attitude. 
>> It can help children achieve their goal or give them a big stress which can result in a defensive attitude. 

People encourage their children to set a high goal and say that they can do anything if they do their best. 
>> Correct!

This is effective way for raising children because positive attitude is first step to do something. 
>> This is an effective way of raising children because positive attitude is the first step to do something. 

For example, when I was young, I was not good at running. 
>> Correct!

Whenever I avoid to run at school, my mother always cheer me up with telling that I can run fast if I endeavor. 
>> Whenever I avoid to run at school, my mother always cheers me up telling that I can run fast if I endeavor doing it. 

Thus, when I graduated elementary school, I became a runner represented for my class. 
>> Thus, when I graduated in my elementary school, I became a runner and represented my class. 

From that experience, I could have an ambitious attitude, and this is really helpful for doing my work. 
>> Correct!

Otherwise, some children can feel a big pressure from parents' saying which is they can achieve anything if they do their best. 
>> Otherwise, some children can feel a big pressure from parents' saying that they can achieve anything if they do their best. 

Depending on children's
>> To be continued...
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
108538 Homework ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 643
108537 Homer ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 713
108536 Homer ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 618
108535 Homer ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 745
108534 Amongst the 10 listed pet peeves from our next topic, which one... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 6
108533 Do you see yourself being a vegetarian in the future? Why or why... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 673
108532 Do you see yourself being a vegetarian in the future? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 731
108531 Would you like to travel into outer space? Why or why not? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 626
108530 homework ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 3
108529 homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 2
108528 I don\'t believe in astrology very well, and while it may be... ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 841
108527 Draft Report3, ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 640
108526 Draft Report2, ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 1160
108525 Draft Report2, ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 807
108524 Work report1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 804
108523 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 621
108522 Writing task ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 534
108521 School Performance Assessment 4-2 (writing an article) ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 4
108520 School Performance Assessment 4-1 (writing an article) ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 5
108519 Who\'s music encourages you most? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04