¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-04-21 766

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body for our convenience.
These days, we don¡¯t need to bring cash or use atm if we have a cell phone.
Of course, most Korean are using credit cards when they pay.
But nowadays, countries where people are using credit cards when they buy things are increasing.
In china, most people are using wechat pay, so if someone has a cell phone, they can pay without cash and credit cards.
In Korea, we are also using Samsung pay, the number of using Samsung pay is increasing.
But people who are using iphone can¡¯t use Samsung pay and they can¡¯t use even apple pay because apple pay is used in only America now.
However, this problem will be improvements in the future and we will use cell phone when we pay everywhere.
Accordingly, we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body at the expense of risk.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work! 

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body for our convenience.
>>> I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our bodies for our convenience.

These days, we don¡¯t need to bring cash or use ATM if we have a cell phone.
>>> CORRECT

Of course, most Korean are using credit cards when they pay.
>>> CORRECT
OR: Most Koreans use credit cards when they pay. 

But nowadays, countries where people are using credit cards when they buy things are increasing.
>>> But nowadays, the countries, where people are using credit cards when they buy things, are increasing.

In china, most people are using wechat pay, so if someone has a cell phone, they can pay without cash and credit cards.
>>> In China, most people are using WeChat Pay, so if someone has a cell phone then they can pay without cash and credit cards.

In Korea, we are also using Samsung pay, the number of using Samsung pay is increasing.
>>> In Korea, we are also using Samsung Pay, and the number of people using Samsung Pay is increasing.

But people who are using iphone can¡¯t use Samsung pay and they can¡¯t use even apple pay because apple pay is used in only America now.
>>> But people who are using iPhone can¡¯t use Samsung Pay and they can¡¯t even use even Apple Pay because it is only used in America now.

However, this problem will be improvements in the future and we will use cell phone when we pay everywhere.
>>> However, this problem will be improved in the future and we will use our cellphone when we pay everywhere.

Accordingly, we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body at the expense of risk.
>>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106442 How can traveling be educational? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 5065
106441 Where is best for you to stay over? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 6415
106440 2 nurses test positive for COVID-19 after Pfizer vaccine shots À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106439 What problems have you encountered in using the English... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4055
106438 What was the first thing you bought after you got your very... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4223
106437 Homework ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 2
106436 How do you like to relax after a tiring day at work? ½Å*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106435 What I focused to cultivate now. ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4802
106434 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4483
106433 introduction myself ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 3530
106432 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106431 What hobbies do men prefer? Which hobbies do women especially... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 5042
106430 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 1
106429 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 1
106428 What are the benefits of having long-term friendships? °­*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 5063
106427 People can\'t live only by bread. ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 5004
106426 Homework (238) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 3943
106425 Do we need to be honest all the time? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 5210
106424 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 4429
106423 What\'s the best pet for kids these days? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 4735

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04