¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that women should also join the military there in Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿­
2021-04-28 863

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Maybe not right now. but in a few decades women will have to go to the military. Now in Korea, almost 99 percent of men are serving in the military. Because the military service period being reduced, but there are no people, so the number of people selected from the military is increasing. And even worse, the problem of low birth rate in Korea is so serious that it will get worse. So I think women should think seriously about going to the army.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Women joining the military has been a big controversy in South Korea. There has been speculations that it promotes gender inequality. I think that they should allow women to join the military but not mandatorily. Only the volunteers shall enter it because some women are not capable of doing things like that. If you have the ability, then you can. But if you don't, it's fine. :) Thanks for sharing your opinion. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

Maybe not right now. but in a few decades women will have to go to the military. 
>>Maybe not right now but in a few decades, women will have to go to the military. 

Now in Korea, almost 99 percent of men are serving in the military. 
>>CORRECT

Because the military service period being reduced, but there are no people, so the number of people selected from the military is increasing. 
>>Since the military service period is being reduced, there are not a lot of people who is serving it. So mandatory service is increasing. 

And even worse, the problem of low birth rate in Korea is so serious that it will get worse. 
>>The low birth rate in Korea is making it worse. 

So I think women should think seriously about going to the army.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107723 Home work(4.19) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 589
107722 homework ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 589
107721 Was there a time where you regretted a certain decision at work? À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 659
107720 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 0
107719 I Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 0
107718 In your own opinion, do you think one person should handle the... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 3
107717 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 519
107716 essay ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 541
107715 A hard time ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 646
107714 Fill in the blanjs ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 1082
107713 Unfortunately, I\'ve never get some chocolate from student... ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 606
107712 What do you usually do when you are facing a really big problem? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 446
107711 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 1004
107710 y Á¤*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 828
107709 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 637
107708 A cooking class. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 4
107707 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 4
107706 It is better for children if the whole family including aunts,... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 399
107705 Do you want to be exceptionally skilled in one area or have a... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 610
107704 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-20 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04