¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

obese

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¹Î
2021-04-29 866

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think being obese is danger. it can led to many disease.
First, It can led to high blood pressure. High blood pressure is very danger. And Iif it is very serious it can led to die.
Second, obese can also led to sleep apnea, asthma, fatty liver disease and many other disease. it's all very dangerous.
So that's why I think obese is very danger.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thanks for this Jed.
- T. Beth
============================
I think being obese is danger. 
>>> I think being obese is dangerous.    
it can led to many disease.
>>> It can led to many diseases.  
First, It can led to high blood pressure. 
>>> First, it can lead to high blood pressure.  
High blood pressure is very danger. 
>>> High blood pressure is very dangerous. 
And Iif it is very serious it can led to die.
>>> And if it is very serious it can lead to death.   
Second, obese can also led to sleep apnea, asthma, fatty liver disease and many other disease. 
>>> Second, obese can also lead to sleep apnea, asthma, fatty liver disease and many other diseases.      
it's all very dangerous.
>>> correct   
So that's why I think obese is very danger.
>>>  So that's why I think being obese is very dangerous.  

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107155 Pet ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-04 615
107154 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-04 6
107153 What are the things that you have learned last year? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-03 653
107152 Do you think you will surely succeed if you study hard? Why or... ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-04-03 857
107151 Do you think Arts have something to do with one\'s behavior? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-03 820
107150 Subject + Be verb + adjective or noun Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-03 1159
107149 Assignment º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-02 3
107148 Who is the person you trust the most? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-04-02 895
107147 Do you think sunblock is important when going to the beach? Why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-02 1
107146 Where do you usually meet new people? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-02 1490
107145 More Koreans Have Children Later in Life À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-02 2
107144 Is aging more difficult for men or women? Why? ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-04-02 1005
107143 I think that I open my own mouth(a little bit...) Áö*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1832
107142 The change of the weather where I live. ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 876
107141 What stresses you the most and how to you handle it? Á¤*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1
107140 Homework (254) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1565
107139 I think.. Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1
107138 ¤Ç¤Ì Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1587
107137 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 0
107136 homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04