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영작교정 게시판

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Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others bel

작성자: 황*하
2021-07-01 195

회원님의 영작문

I think that the chances at work and all areas should be equal regardless of the gender because men and women have almost same abilities except some field such as physical activities. However, I believe that men usually are better than women at specific field. Especially, most members in the army are men because the average performance on training them is stronger than women's one. It's true that we are born as having a different strongest. Women are usually good at arts and music, on the other hands, men have stronger body. So if we give the same chances to both genders, one group are weaker than another group because of the reason above that I mentioned. That's why there are policies for women that company has to hire them at least specific percentages of total vacancies. But it's shame that there aren't any recommendation for men like policies for women. There have been a lot of conflicts between men and women. But nobody know what are the best ways to narrow their differences.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

HAPPY FRIDAY MR. HWANG!!! 
If you program your mind in a positive way, you won't have to drag through certain days just hoping to get to end the weekday so you can finally enjoy life.
Learn to enjoy your every day~! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think that the chances at work and all areas should be equal regardless of the gender because men and women have almost same abilities except some field such as physical activities. 
>>> I think that the chances at work and all areas should be equal regardless of the gender because men and women have almost the same abilities except for some field like physical activities.
However, I believe that men usually are better than women at specific field.
>>> CORRECT
 Especially, most members in the army are men because the average performance on training them is stronger than women's one.
>>>  Especially, most members in the army are men because the average performance on training them is stronger than that of women.
 It's true that we are born as having a different strongest. 
>>>  It's true that we are born having different strengths. 
Women are usually good at arts and music, on the other hands, men have stronger body.
>>> CORRECT
 So if we give the same chances to both genders, one group are weaker than another group because of the reason above that I mentioned.
>>>  So if we give the same chances to both genders, one group could be weaker than the other because of the above reason.
 That's why there are policies for women that company has to hire them at least specific percentages of total vacancies.
>>> CORRECT
 But it's shame that there aren't any recommendation for men like policies for women. 
>>>  But it's ashamed that there aren't any recommendations for men like policies for women. 
There have been a lot of conflicts between men and women. 
>>> CORRECT
But nobody know what are the best ways to narrow their differences.
>>> But nobody knows the best ways to narrow their differences.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

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03
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04

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