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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

In some countries young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before. H

작성자: 황*하
2021-07-02 488

회원님의 영작문

If I bought something that I wanted to have sincerely, I wouldn't feel happy for a long time. It's because of desire of possession. People usually feel good when they are doing something for their goals, but they feel the sense of emptiness and don't know what they have to do once they achieve their goals. As the same reason, people who have a lot of money and are healthier than others think that they are not happy because there must be more people who have more money and stuffs. Many people are satisfied with their life, if it looks like that they are more superior than others around them. The preferences of people vary. So, we have a different standard of happiness. The statistics are showed that people in rich countries aren't happier than people in poor countries. We all know that possessions are not main factors to make people happy, but we have tried to make more money although we can eat, wear and sleep well. I think its because of competition. Society has became too competiti

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

HAPPY FRIDAY MR. HWANG!!! 
If you program your mind in a positive way, you won't have to drag through certain days just hoping to get to end the weekday so you can finally enjoy life.
Learn to enjoy your every day~! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
If I bought something that I wanted to have sincerely, I wouldn't feel happy for a long time.
>>> CORRECT
 It's because of desire of possession. 
>>>  It's because of the desire of possessions. 
People usually feel good when they are doing something for their goals, but they feel the sense of emptiness and don't know what they have to do once they achieve their goals. 
>>> CORRECT ( I agree with you )
As the same reason, people who have a lot of money and are healthier than others think that they are not happy because there must be more people who have more money and stuff. 
>>> CORRECT
Many people are satisfied with their life, if it looks like that they are more superior than others around them. 
>>> CORRECT
The preferences of people vary. 
>>> CORRECT
So, we have a different standards of happiness.
>>> CORRECT
 The statistics are showed that people in rich countries aren't happier than people in poor countries.
>>> CORRECT
 We all know that possessions are not main factors to make people happy, but we have tried to make more money although we can eat, wear and sleep well. 
>>>  We all know that possessions are not the main factors to make people happy, but we have tried to make more money although we can eat, wear and sleep well. 
I think its because of competition.
>>> I think it's because of competitions.
 Society has became too competitive.
>>> CORRECT
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