¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2021-07-03 362

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Yes, I believe music can heal.
Because there are Music psychotherapy.
If something sad happened to me, and I listen to music, I feel healed.
And I think music change people's emotion.
when I listen exciting music my emotion change exciting.
Music heals me, and change my feeling.
That's why music is amazing!!!!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jenny,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)




Yes, I believe music can heal.
>>> CORRECT

Because there are Music psychotherapy.
>>> Because there is something called Music Psychotherapy.

If something sad happened to me, and I listen to music, I feel healed.
>>> If something sad happened to me, I just listen to music and I feel healed.

And I think music change people's emotion.
>>> And I think music can change people's emotions.

when I listen exciting music my emotion change exciting.
>>> When I listen to exciting music my emotions change, I feel excited.

Music heals me, and change my feeling.
>>> Music heals me and changes my feeling.

That's why music is amazing!
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109930 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 1
109929 Absent ¼Û*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 451
109928 If you are to start a business, what would that be and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 0
109927 Homework {07/09} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 362
109926 Do you think that talent is needed to be successful in life? Why... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 451
109925 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 455
109924 Stories À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 414
109923 What do you like do doing your free time ÀÌ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 347
109922 \"Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 440
109921 Homework. ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 349
109920 What do you like about your neighborhood? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 0
109919 Homework😀 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 327
109918 Is being poor a valid reason to commit crime? Why or why not? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 404
109917 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 4
109916 Opposition talks about scrapping Ministry of Gender Equality À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 1
109915 Do you think that talent is needed to be successful in life? Why... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 0
109914 What makes a city great to live in? °í*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 412
109913 How long do you get ready for school or work? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 432
109912 What was the longest flight you have ever taken? ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-07-09 399
109911 What can be better job opportunities for poverty stricken... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-08 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04