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영작교정 게시판

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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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HOMEWORK/YUN/2021/0714

작성자: 정*윤
2021-07-15 608

회원님의 영작문

In my opinion, the idea of people using same global language it self is positive but, also has a negative aspect in the way of loosing diversity of culture.
Reason for positive expectation is that people can communicate with foreigners more easily. When we try to communicate with foreigners, we have to study new languages. It’s very hard to learn another languages and it’s also impossible to speak like natives.Also, to learn foreign languages, you have to put an effort a lot and also cost money a lot to enroll a institute.
In the aspect of negative expectation, the reason why is that using same language around the world can cause the extinct of culture diversity. There are some socialist claiming that language represent the identity of particular culture so it’s important to preserve each languages.
From this point of view, using one global language all over the world can make the culture standardize.
Hence, both opinions are acceptable, but all have positive and negative aspects.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Yun! It's great to see you here on the composition site!

First of all, congratulations to the submission of this IELTS essay answer. Your strong points are breaking down the pros and cons of  speaking a common language. Moreover, your arguments have supporting details. For the conclusion, you have to make it solid by wrapping up the points you have made on your discussion.

Let us discuss how you can make a substantial conclusion in class tomorrow. Excellent job for this first written IELTS answer!

See you then!

-T. Donna =)

In my opinion, the idea of people using same global language it self is positive but, also has a negative aspect in the way of loosing diversity of culture.
>> In my opinion, the idea of people using the same global language is positive but also has a negative aspect by loosing diversity of culture.

Reason for positive expectation is that people can communicate with foreigners more easily. 
>> The reason for positive expectation is that people can communicate with foreigners more easily. 

When we try to communicate with foreigners, we have to study new languages. 
>> Correct!

It’s very hard to learn another languages and it’s also impossible to speak like natives.
>> It’s very hard to learn another language and it’s also impossible to speak like natives.

Also, to learn foreign languages, you have to put an effort a lot and also cost money a lot to enroll a institute.
>> Also, to learn foreign languages, you have to put a lot of effort and it also costs a lot of money to enroll in an institute.

In the aspect of negative expectation, the reason why is that using same language around the world can cause the extinct of culture diversity. 
>> In the aspect of negative expectation, using the same language around the world can cause the extinction of cultural diversity. 

There are some socialist claiming that language represent the identity of particular culture so it’s important to preserve each languages.
>> There are some socialists claiming that a language represents the identity of particular culture so it’s important to preserve each language.

From this point of view, using one global language all over the world can make the culture standardize.
>> ...standardized.

Hence, both opinions are acceptable, but all have positive and negative aspects.
>> Correct!
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