¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Àº
2021-07-16 386

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Advantages of cell phones are convenient to communicate with other people and improve qualities of life.
By using cell phones, we can do almost everything with it such as making reservation, watching movies, and taking pictures.
However, cell phones make people's health worse than before they didn't use them.
Because of cell phones, people suffer of eyes and necks problems.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Christine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Advantages of cell phones are convenient to communicate with other people and improve qualities of life.

>> The advantages of cellphones are that it makes it convenient to communicate with other people and it improves the quality of life.
By using cell phones, we can do almost everything with it such as making reservation, watching movies, and taking pictures.

>> By using cell phones, we can do almost everything such as making reservations, watching movies, and taking pictures.
However, cell phones make people's health worse than before they didn't use them.

>> However, cell phones make people's health worse than before they weren't using them.
Because of cell phones, people suffer of eyes and necks problems.

>> Because of cell phones, people suffer from eye and neck problems.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111510 Way do you need a friend? Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 1
111509 What benefits are there to countries who accept refugees? °í*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 309
111508 page 21 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 336
111507 Who do you think was the best president of South Korea and why? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 489
111506 Acheve a goal Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 380
111505 Practice The \'to-v\' ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 639
111504 had + past perfect tense ¹Ú*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 408
111503 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 449
111502 17 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 317
111501 What will you do if yo cannot really beat your deadline or you... ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 2
111500 My desk ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 1
111499 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 385
111498 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 1
111497 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 1
111496 Homework ³²*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 385
111495 homework & speaking part-1 answer ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 2
111494 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 3
111493 Writing on Skype.. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 373
111492 Writing on Skype.. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 427
111491 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04