¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Àº
2021-07-16 195

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Advantages of cell phones are convenient to communicate with other people and improve qualities of life.
By using cell phones, we can do almost everything with it such as making reservation, watching movies, and taking pictures.
However, cell phones make people's health worse than before they didn't use them.
Because of cell phones, people suffer of eyes and necks problems.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Christine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Advantages of cell phones are convenient to communicate with other people and improve qualities of life.

>> The advantages of cellphones are that it makes it convenient to communicate with other people and it improves the quality of life.
By using cell phones, we can do almost everything with it such as making reservation, watching movies, and taking pictures.

>> By using cell phones, we can do almost everything such as making reservations, watching movies, and taking pictures.
However, cell phones make people's health worse than before they didn't use them.

>> However, cell phones make people's health worse than before they weren't using them.
Because of cell phones, people suffer of eyes and necks problems.

>> Because of cell phones, people suffer from eye and neck problems.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110250 Why do you think is it harder for old people to accept change? ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 0
110249 What do you think is the reason why the number of COVID-19 cases... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 0
110248 Has technology made our lives easier or more complicated?... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 0
110247 How can you describe your family in your own words? ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 0
110246 homework ¹é*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 216
110245 How do you stop hiccuping? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 1
110244 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 144
110243 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 205
110242 Tuesday Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 189
110241 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 3
110240 Page 47 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 213
110239 What has changed in your life since last year? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 0
110238 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 140
110237 Do you think that endangered species should be kept in captive... ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 208
110236 Corona ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-23 185
110235 How do you stop hiccups? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 0
110234 Do you think that endangered species should be kept in captive... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 170
110233 home work on July 22 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 1
110232 Cut ties ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 3
110231 A good education! ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 196

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04