¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it\'s necessary to move out of your parents house once you have a job? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-08-03 150

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't think that I have to move out from my parents house but if I got a job, I will move to my own house.
A person has his / her own individuality and personality.
And because of that, if 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they are different person.
So if I live with my parents, I think I'll do not cause it often but the collision between me and my parents can be caused.
Because of that, I think it is better to live alone, and actually, I just want to live alone.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

Moving away from home is considered a milestone in one¡¯s life, an event that clearly marks the stepping out of childhood into maturity and designates the beginning of an independent, self-reliant life. Once you move out of your parents¡¯ house, you will have the liberty to make your own choices and enjoy the lifestyle you¡¯ve always wanted for yourself. However, you will also have the responsibility to provide for your own needs, to find a way out of every difficult situation you encounter, and to create a life for yourself that is vibrant, progressive, and genuinely fulfilled.

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

 I don't think that I have to move out from my parents house but if I got a job, I will move to my own house.
>>CORRECT

A person has his / her own individuality and personality.
>> CORRECT

And because of that, if 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they are different person.
>> If 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they have different personalities.

So if I live with my parents, I think I'll do not cause it often but the collision between me and my parents can be caused.
>>So if I live with my parents, I think I will not cause collision between me and my parents.

Because of that, I think it is better to live alone, and actually, I just want to live alone.
>>Because of that, I think it is better to live alone. Actually, I just want to live alone.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110502 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 139
110501 Who has inspired you the most? How did he or she inspire you? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 1
110500 Do you think it\'s necessary to move out of your parents house... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 150
110499 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 152
110498 How do you practice your English Proficiency? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 2
110497 4th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 2
110496 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 1
110495 Pandemic Casts pall over May Weddings À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 1
110494 Things You Do with Your Friends ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 175
110493 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 2
110492 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 0
110491 First person is alwalys my boy friend. Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 161
110490 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 1
110489 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 1
110488 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 1
110487 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 1
110486 What do you think of women\'s welfare in Korea nowadays? Has it... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 1
110485 Cyber bullying ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 222
110484 Homepoop ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 109
110483 What would you bring to a pot-luck lunch? Why? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04