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영작교정 게시판

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Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and cannot afford. What are the reasons f

작성자: 황*하
2021-08-17 210

회원님의 영작문

The pattern of spending money varies with the generation. MZ generations are the representative leading current world. It is worth to know that how they spend money. Most of them pursue the personal happiness rather than group's one. They consider that possessions are less valuable than sharing their goods through application such as the second hands market. Experience and the products have special message or social value is the most important factor called "meaning out" when they purchase. They also believe that the present is worth than their future therefore, "YOLO" campaign became the major goal they would like to achieve. MZ people don't care the price, they only focus on the quality and their preference unlike their parent's generation. I don't want to object of these changes because old people didn't know how to enjoy their life but I have concern about our descendant's future. I don't know how they manage life when they are old. They need to think of saving money for their fu

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

A beautiful day Mr. Hwang! Thanks for doing your essay! Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
The pattern of spending money varies with the generation.
>>> CORRECT
 MZ generations are the representative leading the current world.
>>> CORRECT
 It is worth to know that how they spend money. 
>>>  It is worth it to know how they spend money. 
Most of them pursue the personal happiness rather than group's one.
>>> Most of them pursue their personal happiness rather than in a group.
 They consider that possessions are less valuable than sharing their goods through application such as the second hands market.
>>> They consider that possessions are less valuable than sharing their goods through application such second hand market. 
Experience and the products have special message or social value is the most important factor called "meaning out" when they purchase. 
>>> CORRECT
They also believe that the present is worth than their future therefore, "YOLO" campaign became the major goal they would like to achieve. 
>>> They also believe that the present is more worthy than their future therefore, "YOLO" campaign became the major goal they would like to achieve. 
MZ people don't care the price, they only focus on the quality and their preference unlike their parent's generation.
>>> MZ people don't care about the price, they only focus on the quality and their preferences are different from their parent's generation.
 I don't want to object of these changes because old people didn't know how to enjoy their life but I have concern about our descendant's future.
>>> CORRECT
 I don't know how they manage life when they are old. 
>>>  I don't know how they manage their life when they get older.
They need to think of saving money for their future.
>>> CORRECT
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[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
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