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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you think self-esteem affects beauty?

작성자: 백*진
2021-08-26 191

회원님의 영작문

I think the concept of “beauty” depends on the way of thinking of the society. It means that self-esteem can affect beauty. The standard of beauty changes as time goes. Also, there are various opinions about the beauty. Surely, beauty is a subjective thing.
In my opinion, beauty is related to one’s health. Not to mention the physical health, beauty can show one’s mental health. When we describe somebody “beautiful”, it not only implies a beautiful appearance but also an aura that comes from the healthy mind. If a good-looking person uses a lot of slang and behave badly, he or she doesn’t look beautiful despite of his outstanding appearance. And plus, if some people without good-looking are proud of themselves, their self-esteem would come out on their face and words, which impress others in positive ways. In that case, people think them really beautiful. Of course, someone who respect themselves will not lazy in keeping themselves clean and neat, the physical part of beauty.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Sujin! Well done in this composition, you were able to tackle the different kinds of beauty and explained them very well. There are a few grammar mistakes, however, overall, you did a great job.

- Teacher Ivy :)

I think the concept of “beauty” depends on the way of thinking of the society.

>> I think the concept of ‘beauty’ depends on society’s way of thinking.

It means that self-esteem can affect beauty.

>>Correct

The standard of beauty changes as time goes.

>> Correct

Also, there are various opinions about the beauty.

>> Also the various opinions about beauty.

Surely, beauty is a subjective thing.

>> Correct
In my opinion, beauty is related to one’s health.

>> Correct

Not to mention the physical health, beauty can show one’s mental health.

>> In addition to physical health, beauty can show one’s mental health.

When we describe somebody “beautiful”, it not only implies a beautiful appearance but also an aura that comes from the healthy mind.

>> When we describe somebody “beautiful”, it does not only imply a beautiful appearance but also an aura that comes from a healthy mind.

If a good-looking person uses a lot of slang and behave badly, he or she doesn’t look beautiful despite of his outstanding appearance.

>> If a good-looking person uses a lot of slang and behaves badly, he or she doesn’t look beautiful despite of their outstanding appearance.

And plus, if some people without good-looking are proud of themselves, their self-esteem would come out on their face and words, which impress others in positive ways.

>> Plus, if some people who is not good-looking are proud of themselves, their self-esteem would show on their faces, which would impress others in positive ways.

In that case, people think them really beautiful.

>> In that case, people find them really beautiful.

Of course, someone who respect themselves will not lazy in keeping themselves clean and neat, the physical part of beauty.

>> Of course, someone who respect themselves, is not lazy in keeping themselves neat and clean, is part of beauty.

 

 

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HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

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주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
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업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
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문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
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02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
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04

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