¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-08-30 350

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



However, the world has changed. In the past, companies didn`t care about the nature and just focus on making new products. Nowadays, they started to fell the importance of the nature and started to make no waste, nature friendly items. for example, company which makes styrofoam released a new type one. Its like a natural one but an easily decomposed into nature without remaining any waste.
Because of these I disagree with the topic. I would have agree if I wrote this in 20th century or bring off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. Of course making products are still damaging our lives but by the hard work from companies and customers, we`re learning how to live along with nature

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ian!

I agree with the points you have raised here on this composition. Most companies nowadays have placed so much importance on corporate responsibility in such a way that while we are enjoying products as we used to many years ago, we can also take care of our environment at the same time.

You used effective transition as well as appropriate vocabulary. Thank you for sending me this part. I will go over the other to see if you wield your ideas well altogether.

See you in class tomorrow!

-T. Donna =)

However, the world has changed. In the past, companies didn`t care about the nature and just focus on making new products. 
>> Correct!

Nowadays, they started to fell the importance of the nature and started to make no waste, nature friendly items. 
>> Nowadays, they started to feel the importance of nature and started to make no waste and nature friendly items. 

for example, company which makes styrofoam released a new type one. 
>> For example, a company which makes Styrofoam released a new one/ a new type. 

Its like a natural one but an easily decomposed into nature without remaining any waste.
>> It's like a natural one but easily decomposed into nature without any remaining waste.

Because of these I disagree with the topic. I would have agree if I wrote this in 20th century or bring off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. 
>> Because of these, I disagree with the topic. I would have agreed if I wrote this on the 20th century or brought off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. 

Of course making products are still damaging our lives but by the hard work from companies and customers, we`re learning how to live along with nature.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110903 8/16 homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 411
110902 Fall ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 270
110901 Someone just lost their job and they haven\'t told their... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 1
110900 My family\'s favorite drinks ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 1
110899 21/08/13 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 352
110898 home work on Aug 13 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 0
110897 Homework Àü*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 297
110896 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 4
110895 home work on Aug 16 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 1
110894 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 1
110893 Thunberg calls out climate impact of fashion brands in Vogue... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 1
110892 Daily Coronavirus Infectoins Surpass 2000 À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 2
110891 What do you like/hate most about school reunions? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 326
110890 Are you comfortable wearing a dress? ¼Û*¾È ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 0
110889 Covid-19 ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 2
110888 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 289
110887 Home work ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 425
110886 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 389
110885 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 381
110884 Tradition ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04