¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-08-30 351

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



However, the world has changed. In the past, companies didn`t care about the nature and just focus on making new products. Nowadays, they started to fell the importance of the nature and started to make no waste, nature friendly items. for example, company which makes styrofoam released a new type one. Its like a natural one but an easily decomposed into nature without remaining any waste.
Because of these I disagree with the topic. I would have agree if I wrote this in 20th century or bring off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. Of course making products are still damaging our lives but by the hard work from companies and customers, we`re learning how to live along with nature

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ian!

I agree with the points you have raised here on this composition. Most companies nowadays have placed so much importance on corporate responsibility in such a way that while we are enjoying products as we used to many years ago, we can also take care of our environment at the same time.

You used effective transition as well as appropriate vocabulary. Thank you for sending me this part. I will go over the other to see if you wield your ideas well altogether.

See you in class tomorrow!

-T. Donna =)

However, the world has changed. In the past, companies didn`t care about the nature and just focus on making new products. 
>> Correct!

Nowadays, they started to fell the importance of the nature and started to make no waste, nature friendly items. 
>> Nowadays, they started to feel the importance of nature and started to make no waste and nature friendly items. 

for example, company which makes styrofoam released a new type one. 
>> For example, a company which makes Styrofoam released a new one/ a new type. 

Its like a natural one but an easily decomposed into nature without remaining any waste.
>> It's like a natural one but easily decomposed into nature without any remaining waste.

Because of these I disagree with the topic. I would have agree if I wrote this in 20th century or bring off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. 
>> Because of these, I disagree with the topic. I would have agreed if I wrote this on the 20th century or brought off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. 

Of course making products are still damaging our lives but by the hard work from companies and customers, we`re learning how to live along with nature.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110883 If it was your birthday, what gift do you want to receive and... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 306
110882 Name three countries you will never visit and why? ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 468
110881 Page 34 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-14 291
110880 Does color affect your emotions? ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-14 392
110879 If it was your birthday, what gift do you want to receive and... ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-14 2
110878 homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-14 437
110877 Have you ever had a job interview before? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 3
110876 Tell me something about your memorable experience at our school. ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 321
110875 What is your philosophy in life? - interview answer ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 346
110874 What is one thing you\'ve never done but would like to do? È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 5
110873 Do you think going to different academies is important for... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 352
110872 Use \"scenery\" and \"visit\" in correct sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 389
110871 Homework ³²*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 455
110870 page 34 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 271
110869 What is your dream house? Àü*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 397
110868 page 31 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 509
110867 There are so many pretty uniforms that I want to draw! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 369
110866 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 0
110865 Sun Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 382
110864 Do you think going to different academies is important for... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 356

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04