¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-08-30 437

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



However, the world has changed. In the past, companies didn`t care about the nature and just focus on making new products. Nowadays, they started to fell the importance of the nature and started to make no waste, nature friendly items. for example, company which makes styrofoam released a new type one. Its like a natural one but an easily decomposed into nature without remaining any waste.
Because of these I disagree with the topic. I would have agree if I wrote this in 20th century or bring off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. Of course making products are still damaging our lives but by the hard work from companies and customers, we`re learning how to live along with nature

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ian!

I agree with the points you have raised here on this composition. Most companies nowadays have placed so much importance on corporate responsibility in such a way that while we are enjoying products as we used to many years ago, we can also take care of our environment at the same time.

You used effective transition as well as appropriate vocabulary. Thank you for sending me this part. I will go over the other to see if you wield your ideas well altogether.

See you in class tomorrow!

-T. Donna =)

However, the world has changed. In the past, companies didn`t care about the nature and just focus on making new products. 
>> Correct!

Nowadays, they started to fell the importance of the nature and started to make no waste, nature friendly items. 
>> Nowadays, they started to feel the importance of nature and started to make no waste and nature friendly items. 

for example, company which makes styrofoam released a new type one. 
>> For example, a company which makes Styrofoam released a new one/ a new type. 

Its like a natural one but an easily decomposed into nature without remaining any waste.
>> It's like a natural one but easily decomposed into nature without any remaining waste.

Because of these I disagree with the topic. I would have agree if I wrote this in 20th century or bring off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. 
>> Because of these, I disagree with the topic. I would have agreed if I wrote this on the 20th century or brought off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. 

Of course making products are still damaging our lives but by the hard work from companies and customers, we`re learning how to live along with nature.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110391 In your own opinion, what\'s the most beautiful country? Why? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 1
110390 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 561
110389 Weight ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 468
110388 Page 52 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 523
110387 home work on July 29 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 1
110386 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 282
110385 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 495
110384 South Korean instant noodle exports hit record high À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 1
110383 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 3
110382 1st Homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 1
110381 home work on July 28 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 1
110380 Some people encourage young children to leave their parents... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 494
110379 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 2
110378 Difference between Korean education and overseas education ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 462
110377 dish ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 604
110376 What food would you like to learn how to cook and why? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 404
110375 Hailey\'s bucket list¢½ Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 585
110374 Unknown in universe. ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-28 372
110373 Hi kate! ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-28 1
110372 What is your favorite subject to study in school? Why? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-28 566

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04