¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

n many situations, people who break the law should be warned instead of punished. To what extent do

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-09-06 217

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent from the crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situation such as a sexual harassment, a crime of violence and juvenile offence. Korea is well known for the lenient sentences, especially, to rich and high position people. There is saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. Nevertheless, I think that people who break the law have to be punished. In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime happened by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old. They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not go to prison. So I want law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce the crime rate in my country. I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent from the crime and for this education is essential.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. Hwang! Today is....... MY BIRTHDAY! Where is my present??? kkkk kidding!!! Anyway, thanks for your ideas on your essays. Keep writing and improve your written English. I think you're better in writing than in speaking. kkkk kidding again! Have a nice day! See you tomorrow!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent from the crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situation such as a sexual harassment, a crime of violence and juvenile offence.
>>> I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situations such  sexual harassment, crime of violence and juvenile offence. 
Korea is well known for the lenient sentences, especially, to rich and high position people. 
>>> CORRECT
There is saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. 
>>> There is a saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. 
Nevertheless, I think that people who break the law have to be punished. 
>>> CORRECT
In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime happened by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old.
>>> In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime committed by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old.
 They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not go to prison.
>>>  They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not be imprisoned.
 So I want law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce the crime rate in my country.
>>>  So I want  the law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce crime rate in my country.
 I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent from the crime and for this education is essential.
>>>  I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent crime. With this education is essential.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111802 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 257
111801 What were your favorite foods growing up? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 195
111800 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111799 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 3
111798 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111797 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 222
111796 Most Conglomerates Have No More Hiring Plans for This Year À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111795 Homework ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 257
111794 Homework ½Å*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111793 On my weekends ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111792 29th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111791 What is your favorite place in your city and why? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 271
111790 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111789 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111788 Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 207
111787 If I will visit your city, what restaurant would you recommend... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 217
111786 Should a person work after graduation? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 352
111785 About Eldorado book À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111784 IELTS writing task1 ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 4
111783 What are the most important things your parents taught you? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04