¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly. Why is it? Do you think it is a pos

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*ÁØ
2021-09-08 301

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think nowdays lifestyle is changed.
Most of the people purpose is money.
So, many people want to quickly handle all of the work.
This phenomenon is very negative development.

People's life goals are going in the wrong direction.
In the end, Money is not with us.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sir Chris~! ^^ Thank you for doing your essay! Keep writing! Keep improving! Have a great time!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think nowadays lifestyle is changed.
>>> I think nowadays, people's lifestyle has been changed.
Most of the people purpose is money.
>>> Most of the people's purpose is for money.
So, many people want to quickly handle all of the work.
>>> So, many people want to quickly handle all work.
This phenomenon is very negative development.
>>> 
This phenomenon is a negative development.
People's life goals are going in the wrong direction.
>>> CORRECT
In the end, Money is not with us.
>>> In the end, we can never chase money for the rest of our lives. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111106 What festivals do you have in your city? Can you explain what... ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 320
111105 ielts task 1 bar graph ÀÌ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 357
111104 home work on Aug 20 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 1
111103 What medical law do you want to be made? Share your answer in a... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 293
111102 [8/19]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 1
111101 [8/18]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 1
111100 Are you an adventurous person? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 2
111099 If you moved to another country, what things would you miss... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 0
111098 What festivals do you have in your city? Can you explain what... ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 1
111097 What is your favorite look? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 377
111096 home work on Aug 19 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 0
111095 My name ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 1
111094 home work on Aug 18 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 0
111093 2nd homework ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 8
111092 What is the hardest thing to cook? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 6
111091 Why do some people love eating spicy food? Àü*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 305
111090 Do you like to travel to work or to enjoy? Share your answer in... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 1074
111089 8.20 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 2
111088 53 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 387
111087 If you moved to another country, what things would you miss... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 339

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04