¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly. Why is it? Do you think it is a pos

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*ÁØ
2021-09-08 334

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think nowdays lifestyle is changed.
Most of the people purpose is money.
So, many people want to quickly handle all of the work.
This phenomenon is very negative development.

People's life goals are going in the wrong direction.
In the end, Money is not with us.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sir Chris~! ^^ Thank you for doing your essay! Keep writing! Keep improving! Have a great time!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think nowadays lifestyle is changed.
>>> I think nowadays, people's lifestyle has been changed.
Most of the people purpose is money.
>>> Most of the people's purpose is for money.
So, many people want to quickly handle all of the work.
>>> So, many people want to quickly handle all work.
This phenomenon is very negative development.
>>> 
This phenomenon is a negative development.
People's life goals are going in the wrong direction.
>>> CORRECT
In the end, Money is not with us.
>>> In the end, we can never chase money for the rest of our lives. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111913 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 409
111912 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 3
111911 correction RQ if any. ¼­*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 4
111910 What is your favorite Korean custom? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 1
111909 Most Dangerous Predator in the world Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 465
111908 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 371
111907 If you can add a room to your house, what room would it be and... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 492
111906 What\'s your thought on virtual classes, which became the norm... Çã*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 0
111905 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 368
111904 Homework📝 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 391
111903 What is your favorite Korean custom? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 491
111902 Who do you usually invite to go to your home? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 700
111901 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 1
111900 0913 ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 0
111899 In your own way, how do you protect the environment? Share your... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 452
111898 Wine becomes most popular booze import À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 1
111897 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 505
111896 What can you do to make your town beautiful? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 437
111895 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 3
111894 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04