¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My opinion about eating healthy

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2021-09-10 231

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree with the opinion that the eating habit of younger generation effects on their health negatively. As the fast food spread largely in our lives, many children can usually eat them. They are attracted by the taste because it¡¯s more stimulating than other food which is not salty and sweet. Children get used to fast food and do not want to eat healthy food. I think it makes their health worse. Fast food includes high fat, and it has high calories. The more fat they eat, the worse their health. As this reason, I think children should change their eating habit healthier than the past.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello RIA!  Thank you for giving your opinion regarding this topic. I truly appreciate your thoughts. ^_^
T. Irene
I agree with the opinion that the eating habit of younger generation effects on their health negatively. 
>>> I agree with the opinion that the eating habit of younger generation affects  their health negatively. 
As the fast food spread largely in our lives, many children can usually eat them. 
>>> As fast foods are getting popular and common, it became easier for many children to avail of them. 
They are attracted by the taste because it¡¯s more stimulating than other food which is not salty and sweet. 
>>> They are attracted by the taste because it¡¯s more stimulating than other foods which are not salty and sweet. 
Children get used to fast food and do not want to eat healthy food. 
>>> Children got used to fast food and do not want to eat healthy food. 
I think it makes their health worse. 
>>> I think it makes their health suffer. 
Fast food includes high fat, and it has high calories. 
>>> Fast food includes high fat  and calories. 
The more fat they eat, the worse their health. 
>>> The more fat they eat, the worse their health becomes. 
As this reason, I think children should change their eating habit healthier than the past.
>>>  For this reason, I think children should change their eating habits into a healthier one than the past.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111799 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 3
111798 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111797 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 209
111796 Most Conglomerates Have No More Hiring Plans for This Year À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111795 Homework ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 231
111794 Homework ½Å*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111793 On my weekends ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111792 29th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111791 What is your favorite place in your city and why? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 266
111790 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111789 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111788 Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 205
111787 If I will visit your city, what restaurant would you recommend... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 215
111786 Should a person work after graduation? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 351
111785 About Eldorado book À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111784 IELTS writing task1 ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 4
111783 What are the most important things your parents taught you? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111782 Friday review! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 235
111781 9.8 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 1
111780 A thing what i bought made me happy best ever. ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 216

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04