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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Is anger ever a good thing? If so, when? Why? --------------------- Have a great weekend!

작성자: 류*선
2021-09-11 240

회원님의 영작문

Sometimes I need to be angry. because I can make a better relationship with people when I express my thoughts directly. ​but expressing this behavior is not easy for me. Before I act on something, I often think a lot about it. I just want to find the best way to connect with people who are picky. I need to learn how to be angry wisely. When I speak out, I need courage and confidence. If we are just angry at people who are rude, we will be the same person. I learn how to form relationships with people through counseling. My counselor usually advises me that I have to say firmly without being impolite to people who are rude. In addition, if a relationship with someone offers me hardship or suffering constantly, I need to check this relationship which means it is healthy. If not, I can decide to stop connecting with people who give me suffering. This is the best decision for everyone. It is important that when I am angry with people, I have to be aware of what I need and where my mind is.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Jane! Thank you for being open about your anger management and how you see it! I feel like you are also giving me counseling!-Faith-
Sometimes I need to be angry. because I can make a better relationship with people when I express my thoughts directly. 
>> Sometimes I need to be angry because I can make a better relationship with other people when I express my thoughts directly. 
​but expressing this behavior is not easy for me. 
>> But expressing this behavior is not easy for me. 
Before I act on something, I often think a lot about it. 
>> CORRECT
OR I consider something carefully before reacting on it.
I just want to find the best way to connect with people who are picky. 
>> CORRECT
I need to learn how to be angry wisely. 
>> CORRECT
OR I must learn how to be angry reasonably.
When I speak out, I need courage and confidence. 
>> CORRECT
If we are just angry at people who are rude, we will be the same person. 
>> CORRECT
OR If we are just angry at rude people, that won't make us different from them.
I learn how to form relationships with people through counseling. 
>> CORRECT
OR I learn how to develop relationships with others through counseling. 
My counselor usually advises me that I have to say firmly without being impolite to people who are rude.
>> My counselor usually advises me that I have to say things firmly without being impolite to people who are rude.
In addition, if a relationship with someone offers me hardship or suffering constantly, I need to check this relationship which means it is healthy. 
>> In addition, if a relationship with someone offers me hardship or suffering constantly, I need to check this relationship if it is still healthy. 
If not, I can decide to stop connecting with people who give me suffering. 
>> If not, I can decide to stop connecting with this person who gives me suffering. 
This is the best decision for everyone. 
>> CORRECT
It is important that when I am angry with people, I have to be aware of what I need and where my mind is.
>> It is important that when I am angry with someone, I have to be aware of what I need and where my mind is.
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