¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

writing part1

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*Áø
2021-09-24 751

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Thank you~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Shin!

This very informative. The corrections I gave here are mostly on the incomplete words and the missing articles. If you will have any questions, feel free to send me a message or ask me in class. ^^ Have a great day!

~Elica~

The two table charts illustrate the changes in the proportion of the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in the two different year and in UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium, and Sweden.

>> The two table charts illustrate the changes in the proportion of the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in the two different years and in the UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium, and Sweden. 

 

 Overall, it is clear that both UK and Switzerland showed dramatically increase in two categories. 

>>Overall, it is clear that both UK and Switzerland showed a dramatic increase in two categories. 

However, the rest of countries marginally went up and, rather, Sweden and Denmark experienced a slight decrease in the sales of Fairtrade-labelled banana.

>>However, the rest of the countries marginally went up, and, rather, Sweden and Denmark experienced a slight decrease in the sales of Fairtrade-labelled bananas.

 

  Looking at the graphs more closely, one can see that the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee in UK and Switzerland were 1.5 million and 3 million in 1994, but they drastically rose to 20 million and 6 million respectively in 2004. 

>> Looking at the graphs more closely, one can see that the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee in the UK and Switzerland were 1.5 million and 3 million in 1994, but they drastically rose to 20 million and 6 million respectively in 2004.

The rest three countries insignificantly increased by 0.2 to 0.7 million in the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee. 

>>The other three countries insignificantly increased by 0.2 to 0.7 million in the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee.

When it comes to the sales of Fairtrade-labelled banana, likewise, surges were seen in UK and Switzerland. 

>>When it comes to the sales of Fairtrade-labelled bananas, likewise, surges were seen in UK and Switzerland.

Nevertheless, surprisingly, there were the only two countries that showed a decline. 

>>CORRECT

One of them was Sweden, which slightly dropped in 2004 and another was Denmark, which roughly halved from 2 million in 1994 to 0.9 million in 2004. 

>>CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111132 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 1
111131 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 2
111130 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 1
111129 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 2
111128 What do the different colors mean in your culture? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 0
111127 16th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 3
111126 absent from class ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 223
111125 my advantage ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 198
111124 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 2
111123 Who is taller ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 252
111122 21/08/18 ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 212
111121 Seoul education chief hints at allowing more in-person classes À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 1
111120 Link for class contents ¼Û*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 191
111119 The Death Toll In Denali Increases, Which Happens Normal... È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 265
111118 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 199
111117 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 2
111116 will\'s offer À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 3
111115 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 3
111114 adventure things Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 235
111113 What do you do when something or someone tries to annoy you? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 284

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04