¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

writing part1

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*Áø
2021-09-24 754

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Thank you~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Shin!

This very informative. The corrections I gave here are mostly on the incomplete words and the missing articles. If you will have any questions, feel free to send me a message or ask me in class. ^^ Have a great day!

~Elica~

The two table charts illustrate the changes in the proportion of the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in the two different year and in UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium, and Sweden.

>> The two table charts illustrate the changes in the proportion of the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in the two different years and in the UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium, and Sweden. 

 

 Overall, it is clear that both UK and Switzerland showed dramatically increase in two categories. 

>>Overall, it is clear that both UK and Switzerland showed a dramatic increase in two categories. 

However, the rest of countries marginally went up and, rather, Sweden and Denmark experienced a slight decrease in the sales of Fairtrade-labelled banana.

>>However, the rest of the countries marginally went up, and, rather, Sweden and Denmark experienced a slight decrease in the sales of Fairtrade-labelled bananas.

 

  Looking at the graphs more closely, one can see that the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee in UK and Switzerland were 1.5 million and 3 million in 1994, but they drastically rose to 20 million and 6 million respectively in 2004. 

>> Looking at the graphs more closely, one can see that the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee in the UK and Switzerland were 1.5 million and 3 million in 1994, but they drastically rose to 20 million and 6 million respectively in 2004.

The rest three countries insignificantly increased by 0.2 to 0.7 million in the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee. 

>>The other three countries insignificantly increased by 0.2 to 0.7 million in the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee.

When it comes to the sales of Fairtrade-labelled banana, likewise, surges were seen in UK and Switzerland. 

>>When it comes to the sales of Fairtrade-labelled bananas, likewise, surges were seen in UK and Switzerland.

Nevertheless, surprisingly, there were the only two countries that showed a decline. 

>>CORRECT

One of them was Sweden, which slightly dropped in 2004 and another was Denmark, which roughly halved from 2 million in 1994 to 0.9 million in 2004. 

>>CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111118 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 199
111117 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 2
111116 will\'s offer À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 3
111115 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 3
111114 adventure things Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 241
111113 What do you do when something or someone tries to annoy you? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 289
111112 Homework(*^O^*) Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 185
111111 The hardest thing to cook: Gimchi ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 274
111110 What were your best and worst trips? È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-23 249
111109 If you moved to another country, what things would you miss... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 291
111108 If I moved to another country, I would miss... ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 254
111107 Can you remember the last gift you were given? Did you like it? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 1
111106 What festivals do you have in your city? Can you explain what... ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 248
111105 ielts task 1 bar graph ÀÌ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 278
111104 home work on Aug 20 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 1
111103 What medical law do you want to be made? Share your answer in a... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 227
111102 [8/19]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 1
111101 [8/18]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 1
111100 Are you an adventurous person? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 2
111099 If you moved to another country, what things would you miss... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04