¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

speaking part 2(website)

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*Áø
2021-09-27 246

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



There are two questions in the pile about the previous revised writing. thank you~~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you for the questions, Shin!

The ones in black are my comments and direct answers to your questions and those in red are the revisions. 

I hope your questions are answered. ^^ 

~Elica~

There are a lot of the website that I have used, but the first website that comes to mind is ¡®Mushinsa¡¯, which is online shopping mall for fashion items.

>>There are a lot of websites that I have used, but the first website that comes to mind is ¡®Mushinsa¡¯, which is an online shopping mall for fashion items.

 

I bought many items such as glasses, pants, jeans, and shirts. 

>>CORRECT

The favorite item of them that I bought from the website is duck-down coat because It¡¯s a great coat that is long enough to cover my knee and the most expensive one of the items that I have.

>> My most favorite item among them that I bought from the website is a duck-down coat because it¡¯s a great coat that is long enough to cover my knee and the most expensive one of the items that I have.

 

 In fact, I don¡¯t prefer to buy something from website because I can¡¯t see real size and it might be broken on the delivery.

>>Actually, I don¡¯t prefer to buy something online because I can¡¯t see the real size and it might be broken on the delivery. 

 However, I haven¡¯t been disappointed by any items that I ordered from the website. 

>>However, I haven¡¯t been disappointed by any of the items that I ordered from the website. 

There are a lot of comments and pictures from buyers/shoppers on the website.

>>CORRECT

OR

>>There are also a lot of comments and pictures from buyers/shoppers on the website.

 

 There are several things that I like the website. 

>> There are several things that I like about the website.

First, as I said, there are a lot of comments and pictures that come from buyers and I can tell what size is fit to me. 

>> First, as I said, there are a lot of comments and pictures that come from the buyers and I can tell what size is fit for me

Second, there are diverse items and brands on the website. 

>>CORRECT

Moreover, the items are generally cheap because of the competition of many brands. 

>>CORRECT

Lastly, the delivery takes only 2days and the fee is free.

>>CORRECT

 

Q) it¡¯s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas 

>>It¡¯s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.

but after that, it¡¯s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.

>>After that, it¡¯s better to interact with peers and share my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.

Which sentence is right? ~~~with peers and share my~~/ ~~with peers, sharing my ~~

Both two sentences are good?

>>This one is better "After that, it¡¯s better to interact with peers and share my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas." It's because it sounds more parallel and forms a more concrete idea. Also avoid starting your sentence with "but". 

 

Q) When it comes to the sales of Fairtrade-labelled banana, likewise, surges were seen in UK and Switzerland. 

>>When it comes to the sales of Fairtrade-labelled bananas, likewise, surges were seen in UK and Switzerland.

In the sentence that you revised, is ¡®in the UK¡¯ right? You revised from ¡®in UK¡¯ to ¡®in the UK¡¯ in the other sentences.  

>>Yes, it should be "the UK". ( If the country name is common nouns, use the - the Czech Republic, the United Kingdom. If it is a group of islands, use the - the Bahamas, the Maldives, the Philippines. If the name is common nouns followed by 'of', use the - the United States of America, the Peoples Republic of China.)

 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112252 plan for vacation À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112251 Were you afraid of anything when you were a child? What was it? Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 202
112250 Are there many international students at universities in your... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 206
112249 [Autumn Season, Family Photo Festival] ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 242
112248 9.27 homework ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 2
112247 What was the most enjoyable thing that you did during your... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 236
112246 9.27 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 0
112245 Life without siblings ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 227
112244 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 237
112243 When you were a child, what did you want to grow up to be?... °¥*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 271
112242 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 233
112241 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 243
112240 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 218
112239 away from ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 1
112238 HOMEWORK: What would you do if you were trapped in an island? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 1
112237 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 204
112236 Describe a time when you had to assist a co-worker. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 223
112235 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 175
112234 Homework {09/27} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 212
112233 Since we celebrated Chu Seok, what are you most thankful for? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 268

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04