¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My opinion: the most difficult place to survive;DESERT

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-09-30 202

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I never want to live in the desert. I think, it is the most difficult place to survive. I'll cite two reason why it is.
First, I can't drink enough water, because desert has not enough water. Water is vital thing for living things. In many survival comic books, the characters suffer because of not enough water.
Second, it's too hot. I hate hot weather, and I have nose disease so dried weather is very harmful. Of course, dried weather has lots of advantages, but desert is too dry.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Homework: What do you think it would be like to live in a desert?

I never want to live in the desert. 
>> I would never want to live in a desert.

I think, it is the most difficult place to survive.
>> I think it is the most difficult place to live in.
OR
>> I think it is difficult to survive in this place.

I'll cite two reason why it is.
>> I'll cite two reasons why.

First, I can't drink enough water, because desert has not enough water. 
>> First, I couldn't drink enough water because a desert doesn't have enough water.

Water is vital thing for living things. 
>> This is a good sentence. 

In many survival comic books, the characters suffer because of not enough water.
>> In many survival comic books, the characters suffer because of water scarcity.

Second, it's too hot.
>> This is a good sentence. 

I hate hot weather, and I have nose disease so dried weather is very harmful.
>> I hate hot weather, and I have a nose disorder so dry weather is very harmful for me.

Of course, dried weather has lots of advantages, but desert is too dry.
>> Dry weather has lot of advantages, but the weather in deserts is too dry. 



Hello, Daniel! Thanks for doing your homework. However, be careful with word usage please.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112399 How can stress be good or helpful to us? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 307
112398 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 215
112397 Some people today prefer to get advice for medical problems and... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 198
112396 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 238
112395 My opinion: the most difficult place to survive;DESERT ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 202
112394 How close are you to your extended family? È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 530
112393 Homework ½É*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 3
112392 HOMEWORK: Do you have a favorite actor? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 1
112391 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 489
112390 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 469
112389 32 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 199
112388 25 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 223
112387 1 of Oct - writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 189
112386 20210930 Á¶*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 213
112385 1 of Oct - writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 659
112384 1 of Oct - writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 178
112383 Writing correction -1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 203
112382 Crimes ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 182
112381 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 7
112380 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 7

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04