¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The world should have only one government rather than a national government for each country. Do the

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-10-02 214

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I haven't thought of having one government for our world because it doesn't seem like common. People have been living in their country and try to have more comfortable life by doing various activities such as political movement. Politicians in each country put their whole efforts to make better country and they always think their citizens' benefits first. Citizens also want to get benefits from the government and don't want to spend money for other nationalities. For example, there are a lot of people who need support but there are still poor people in advanced countries. Most people want government to help their citizens first rather than helping people in poor countries. Other issues we have to consider is dictatorship. World history prove the advantages of democracy. If country runs by one ruler, it is easy to become a dictator. Russia is one of the representative country which was running by dictator and finally Its system has broken down. I believe that leader is the most import

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Mr. Hwang! ^^ Thanks for the essay today! Enjoy the rest of your holiday! Have a good time being a nanny. kkk See you!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I haven't thought of having one government for our world because it doesn't seem like common. 
>>> CORRECT
People have been living in their country and try to have more comfortable life by doing various activities such as political movement. 
>>> CORRECT
Politicians in each country put their whole efforts to make better country and they always think their citizens' benefits first. 
>>> Politicians in each country put their whole efforts to make a better country and they always think of their citizens' benefits first. 
Citizens also want to get benefits from the government and don't want to spend money for other nationalities. 
>>> Citizens also want to get benefits from the government and don't want to spend money on other nationalities. 
For example, there are a lot of people who need support but there are still poor people in advanced countries. 
>>> CORRECT
Most people want government to help their citizens first rather than helping people in poor countries.
>>> Most people want their government to help their citizens first rather than helping people in poor countries.
 The other issue we have to consider is dictatorship. 
>>> CORRECT
The world history proves the advantages of democracy.
>>> CORRECT
 If country runs by one ruler, it is easy to become a dictator. 
>>>  If a country runs by one ruler, it is easy to become a dictator. 
Russia is one of the representative country which was running by dictator and finally Its system has broken down. 
>>> Russia is one of the representative countries which was ran by a dictator and finally its system has broken down. 
I believe that leader is the most import
>>> I believe that the leader is the most important. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112439 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 4
112438 What\'s your thought on dog-meat eating? Çã*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 0
112437 : Will robots take over the world one day ? À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 247
112436 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 219
112435 Countries ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 373
112434 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 0
112433 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 0
112432 How different is North Korea from South Korea nowadays? ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 200
112431 Crimes 2 ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 267
112430 Magical Adventure Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 213
112429 why the cellphone is important ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 215
112428 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 214
112427 How different is North Korea from South Korea nowadays? Explain... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 226
112426 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 4
112425 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 4
112424 my dislike subject ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 210
112423 At what age do people usually begin to work in your country? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 1
112422 Friday homeowrk ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 182
112421 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 2
112420 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 212

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04