¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you can change something in the culture in South Korea, what would it be and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÀÓ
2021-10-18 521

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think South Korea is tolerant of drinking a lot and making mistakes.
The punishment for those who make mistakes because of drunkeness is lighter than in other countries.
For example, in the case of drunk driving, I do not know the exact number,
but I know that the punishment is weaker than in other countries.
As a result, serious accidents caused by drunk driving are not decreaing.
If the social atmosphere agrees with strong punishment for drunk driving,
I think that the damage caused by drunk driving can be reduced to some extent.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Jennifer! :)

Korea's culture is actually great. But like any other cultures, it also has flaws. Some people want to prolong it and some don't. It is always different based on people's perspectives. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think South Korea is tolerant of drinking a lot and making mistakes.
>> CORRECT

The punishment for those who make mistakes because of drunkeness is lighter than in other countries.
>> The punishment for those who make mistakes because of drunkenness is lighter than other countries. 

For example, in the case of drunk driving, I do not know the exact number, but I know that the punishment is weaker than in other countries.
>> For example, in the case of drunk driving, I do not know the exact number, but I know that the punishment is not as severe than in other countries.

As a result, serious accidents caused by drunk driving are not decreaing.
>> As a result, serious accidents caused by drunk driving are still increasing. 

If the social atmosphere agrees with strong punishment for drunk driving, I think that the damage caused by drunk driving can be reduced to some extent.
>> If the society agrees with changing this system for drunk driving, I think the accidents would be lessen to some extent. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111246 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 536
111245 Homework {08/25} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 480
111244 18th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 3
111243 If you had 3 wishes, what would it be and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 579
111242 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 546
111241 How do you make your patients feel secured under your care as a... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 501
111240 homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 496
111239 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 428
111238 I am a worried and maximum list person Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 562
111237 My birthday ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111236 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 428
111235 Hi ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111234 When is it a perfect time to daydream? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 4
111233 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 420
111232 Tell me about the best part of your day? Çã*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111231 ielts task 2 ÀÌ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 435
111230 Things for School ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 409
111229 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 428
111228 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111227 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04