¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I want to change this in Korean culture.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-10-18 246

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I hope the private education system in Korea will change.
In Korea, most of people can go to high schools or universities.
And the students who has rich parents live in more special place and compete among themselves.
I think this is not about ability, but about money.
I think there's discrimination.
Many Korean students go to many academies from in the morning to evening from elementary school to university and study without free time.
It's amazing that there are no Nobel Prize winner in Korea even they study a lot.
There will be no special memories. If you have friends, most of them are academy or school friends.
I think public education can fully educate children and guarantee their rights.
Even look into advanced country's education, I think they can join a global company and fulfill their dreams without fighting with studying like Korea.
I think there are many things more important than studying in living in the world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan :)

Korea's culture is actually great. But like any other cultures, it also has flaws. Some people want to prolong it and some don't. It is always different based on people's perspectives. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I hope the private education system in Korea will change.
>> CORRECT

In Korea, most of people can go to high schools or universities.
>> CORRECT

And the students who has rich parents live in more special place and compete among themselves.
>> And the students who have rich parents live in special places and compete among themselves.

I think this is not about ability, but about money.
>> I think this is not about the ability, but about money.

I think there's discrimination.
>> CORRECT

Many Korean students go to many academies from in the morning to evening from elementary school to university and study without free time.
>> Many Korean students go to many academies from morning till evening. This is going on from elementary school to to universities. 

It's amazing that there are no Nobel Prize winner in Korea even they study a lot.
>> It's amazing that there are no Nobel Prize winners in Korea even if people study a lot. 

There will be no special memories. 
>> CORRECT

If you have friends, most of them are academy or school friends.
>> If you have friends here, you would mostly meet them from school. 

I think public education can fully educate children and guarantee their rights.
>> CORRECT

Even look into advanced country's education, I think they can join a global company and fulfill their dreams without fighting with studying like Korea.
>>If we look at other country's educational system, people can still join global companies and fulfill their dreams without the competing through education. 

I think there are many things more important than studying in living in the world
>> I think there are many things that are more important than studying in living in the world. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113802 Do you like eating fruits and vegetables? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 171
113801 Which is always the best part of your day? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 1
113800 Why I disagree about boy got a long hair. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 151
113799 homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 221
113798 homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 190
113797 Do you think people who are 12-17 years old should already get... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 0
113796 1111 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113795 How would you describe your country¡¯s food? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 247
113794 Apology ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 240
113793 How do you feel about tourists who visit your country? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 0
113792 Letter ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 187
113791 Essay ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 155
113790 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113789 Do you like branded things? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 0
113788 why is the sky and the ocean blue explain in your own words. À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 2
113787 Prevention is better than cure. ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 231
113786 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 196
113785 12-17 years old children. ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 177
113784 homework ¾È*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 133
113783 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 204

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04